At Chelsea Cinemas

We* can't be friends! And I am not OK with this.
*see prior posts here* and here

We went to see a special showing of '16 Candles' in Chelsea. But, professionals that they are, for the first half hour there was either no sound, or it was in black and white. So the whole theater, mostly full of queens, was very rowdy and restless. Everyone shouted out quotes from Long Duc Dong and cooed over 'Jake Ryan'. Someone asked if there was a lesbian in the house. A man with a deep baritone voice responded, 'Yes!' Everyone there was jovial, except the two of us.

He looked so cute. He proudly showed me his argyle socks. We talked about our very bad days. We made each other laugh. At some point, we got into a childish "Did not!" - "Did too!" fight about our date, and we weren't joking, it was for real. I think I ended it by smashing my flier in his face. Um, hostile much? Still, I just wanted to reach over and curl up with him. And I could not get the way he smelled on Friday night out of my head.

Then he said something about my big tote bag, from which I pulled a sandwich, Jr. Mints, a box of granola bars, bottled water, and shoes to switch with my heels. I told him the bag was for teaching, I carry books in it. He said, "Are you going to teach me anything? Oh wait, the question is, 'CAN you teach me anything!'" and he guffawed, "The answer to that--is NO." He laughed and laughed, quite pleased with himself. It pissed me off. This was not the night to mock my battle-fatigued virginity. So, I told him to "Lick - my - clit!" And he shouted, to the whole theater, "I TRIED TO!" Then all the queens got quiet. We both burst out laughing.

Later, he asked how I was ever going to find someone to marry me. I said, "I might not." And then he started up with advice and pontifications about how bad my situation is -- as if I'm not acutely aware of it. He said, 'It's like only drinking one kind of coffee but there is no Starbucks.' 'You should move to Utah.' 'Is there an M-Date, Like J-Date?' Blah, blah, blah. I asked him to please stop talking about it, because it depressed me. He said, "I'm just concerned about you, you're a great girl." "Yeah, I'm concerned about me too. But I don't need to get depressed, I'll go home and eat more ice cream." It turns out that he spent the weekend after our date getting drunk, while I gorged myself on ice cream and chocolate.

This does make me angry. I haven't dated anyone like this in 5 years! He's the non-mormon combination of George and my Irish boy. BUT IT WON'T WORK! He's obviously angry too. We both feel rejected, when it's so clear how easily we could fall in love, the fun we would have, the passion, how much we have to give each other... How could we not feel resentful?

He'll be drinking tonight, since he went out after the movie. And I've already polished off half a pint of Ben & Jerry's. I'll eat the rest when I'm done posting this.


Shelley said...

Phoo, JL! He seemed promising. :(

Michael said...

ah, this sucks! The guys sounds fun (and I laughed out loud at the "I tried!")

Are you committed to marrying in the Temple? Is he totally out on dating without a sexual component?

I think that I may be doomed to be single forever (which I often don't actually have a big problem with) I think I'm too unorthodox for the good girls and to mild for the wild girls.

Anonymous said...

I admire your strength. Not everyone would be capable to doing what's "right" under that kind of pressure and depression.

Anonymous said...

Oh Tragedy! I feel for you JL.

What are good girls like us going to do?

Anonymous said...


I'm sure you've done this in the past - and believe me, I've read your entire blog from start to finish - but I implore you to write an entry explaining and exploring your decision to remain celibate. Not a defense of it, but something of a dissertation, because I admittedly have a difficult time wrapping my mind around it.

Do you think his disinterest in dating you now is about the fact that you will not be in a sexual relationship before marriage specifically, or about you being a mormon (or person of faith) in general?

Stephen said...

You ought to read:


I don't know what to say really.

J.L. said...

I am completely ambivalent about marrying in the temple. If my man wants to, then fine. If he doesn't want to, or can't, that's fine with me too. I've somehow missed forming any kind of testimony about the temple. The brainwashing songs from childhood had the opposite effect intended. They mostly just annoyed me.

It's the sex. He doesn't want to have a relationship without sex. According to him, he's a very sexual, sensual, physical person (from what I experienced, that was an accurate description). He can't imagine being with someone without sex.

I think a kind of statement of faith is in order. I did do one once, but it wasn't a total explanation, more of a band-aid. Now would be a good time to remind myself of this as well, and help explain things to my readers. Thank you for the suggestion.

thevitaminkid said...

"It's the sex. He doesn't want to have a relationship without sex. According to him, he's a very sexual, sensual, physical person (from what I experienced, that was an accurate description). He can't imagine being with someone without sex."

IOW, he doesn't really have very much imagination, does he? LOL What this really translates to is: I must have my naughty bits satisfied, that is the most important thing. Of course, there would be several layers of excuses and rationalizations above this. But that's about what it boils down to, IMO.

It's a crock of ****. I was dating, in love with someone for two years. No sex. I think we were very affectionate, "sensual, physical" people. You simply have to exercise some limits. For the good of you both.

Love (real love) is something else again. It is other-directed. Concerned for what God says is His will, and for what is best for another person. In this case, God's will is for sex to be enjoyed in the context of a *covenant* between two people. And that is what is best for people and society. Anonymous, if you want an explanation of celibacy, that is it, in a nutshell. Of course, much elaboration could follow, but that is the heart of it. You will not understand it if you do not approach it from this angle.

J.L. said...

Well said, VitaminKid. Thank you.