Men on Women: Correction

I came across this blog post today, it horrified me. Is this really what men think of us? I'm going to assume that these are the conclusions of a special type of man. Nevertheless, it was published and needs correcting.


The writer gives his explanation of 'Women's mind games'. His basic response to each 'game' said that women are trying to gain power in the relationship. Granted, some women are like this, the players. The women who date purely as a means of gratification. The women who date in order to meet a nice man, a boyfriend and/or potential husband, are not acting from manipulation.

The Meeting Stage
Sexy clothes
She wears provocative clothing and then gets mad when you check her out ("My eyes are up here ...").
What's her mind game?: No logic here at all -- of course men are going to look and she knows it. And when they do, she castigates them for their normal and natural interest.

CORRECTION: SHE DOES WANT YOUR ATTENTION, SHE WANTS HIM TO BE ATTRACTED TO HER, AND, SHE ALSO WANTS HIM TO LISTEN AND BE RESPECTFUL. A man who likes her enough, can manage to do both. *Sadly, some women don't even respect themselves which can show in her clothing-- but she's probably not the one saying 'my eyes are up here'.

Shallow initial contact
She'll come on to you, flirt, even act sexually suggestive with absolutely no intention of going on a date or getting involved.
What's her mind game?: She wants to get a rise out of you to assure herself that she's still attractive to the men. Surprisingly, a lot of attached women play this game.

CORRECT. AND BECAUSE IT IS FUN. ALSO, WE'LL DO IT IF WE WANT SOMETHING FROM YOU-- like tearing up the traffic ticket, a free drink or extra slice of pizza... MEN DO THE SAME THING. And it's not like they don't get anything out of it, they love the attention.


CORRECTION: WOMEN OFTEN FLIRT IN ORDER TO SIZE MEN UP. She was probably interested initially, but he turned her off by acting like a jerk. or SHE WAS UNDECIDED and flirted to find out if he was worth her time. In this case, not. or SOMETIMES--it's rare but happens--SHE IS TESTING THE GUY FOR HER FRIEND-- if the friend wants her opinion before she makes a move. Sometimes the friend is already dating him and wants to know if he's a player.

**REMEMBER: Nice women don't decide they want a man based solely on his looks. It requires some research.

No phone call
She'll give out her number with no intention of dating you. Or she'll take your number and never call you.
What's her mind game?: This is another bid for power. She just wants to reassure herself that she can control men with her sexuality.

CORRECTION: HAHAHAHA... MEN WISH!!!!! You can't seriously believe that? WE DO IT BECAUSE WE ARE NOT INTERESTED. The number is probably fake to begin with, if not, you caught her off guard. In college, we all used the Cafeteria Menu Line--WOMEN EXCHANGE NUMBERS TO GET RID OF MEN AS POLITELY AS POSSIBLE. We were raised to be sugar and spice and everything nice so we don't want to hurt your feelings. OR, WE CAME TO OUR SENSES LATER, realizing you weren't worth our time afterall.

Hard to get
She turns you down for a date or doesn't return your call, even if she's interested in going out with you.
What's her mind game?: Sometimes this is simply a power play and sometimes what she wants is for you to chase her, to determine how desperate you are for sex. If you bite, then she knows she's totally in control of the relationship and you'll forever jump to the crack of her whip.

CORRECTION: MAYBE SHE'S BUSY. MAYBE SHE'S NOT SURE IF SHE LIKES HIM--she's doing a wait-and-see. MAYBE SHE LIKES HIM, BUT, THE MAN IS BEING RUDE AND PUSHY...if so, then yes, he needs re-training. We have to let men know our boundaries up front. Otherwise, he thinks he can treat you anyway he wants. I turned down a date today because the guy emailed me at midnight last night and was demanding about it. I don't want to go out with someone who thinks I'm at his beck-and-call. But he can try again, I hope he does.

SEMI-CORRECT: WE DO LIKE YOU TO CHASE US-- WHEN WE MAKE YOU CHASE US, YOUR INTEREST INCREASES EXPONENTIALLY. Since I've implemented my new policy of not initiating with men and sometimes not returning a call or email, my love-life has improved ten-fold. One guy complained that I didn't act like I was interested enough. Then he wrote and recorded 4 songs for me that weekend! MEN LOVE IT. You think you don't, but all evidence is to the contrary.

This 'article' or blog post continues a few more pages. The stuff about how women act during relationships was even worse, but I'm bored already--maybe I'll pick up on the rest later. I had to stand up for my gender. Most women are not motivated primarily by power and sex.

One of the 127 comments, from floria_aemilia :
A lot of these games are not about power but insecurity, which you would know if you bothered to actually ask a girl why she behaves like she does instead of just assuming that it must be a power trip. Then you might feel some empathy for her vulnerability.



My Little Corner of the World

Hello. Again. Still.
I seriously considered shutting this whole operation down, removing it from the web even. Many of my own posts make me blush. Some I am ashamed of... but only because of my attitude, nothing else. I felt prompted to return tonight.

Nothing has changed here. Still single, celibate, mormon, grad school drop-out, teetering on financial ruin....feeling completely lost. And so lonely. Painfully so. What has changed is my self. I matured. I feel mostly healthy in the head. I get cycles of debilitating 6 hour anxiety attacks but, it's ok. I can see straight again, or for the first time. Can't remember which.

I do need to say that I am still fully committed to living the gospel and the law of chastity. I do not resent it anymore. I do not feel like it has caused me any suffering. Quite the opposite. I see how much suffering it prevented. It's an instant jerk-not-worth-your-time-man revealer. Tell the man you won't sleep with him and see what happens. His character shines through, like a light or a stain. When he runs, thank the Lord you escaped a hideous relationship with that one. Really. How many bad relationships go on and on because the two are entangled in a physical affair? Masking the problems in their relationships with sex. How many people married the wrong person because they were so enamored with the sex, only to pay the price later? Not me. Thank you Jesus.

I'm lonely and bruised, but.... so much better than I would have been. It has blessed me. I can't speak for others. I see now how fragile I was. How devastating sexual affairs with abusive men would have been. The non-sexual ones were bad enough. My injured soul attracted vultures. That couldn't have been otherwise. What I was spared certainly could have been.

I needed to say this. I have felt that for awhile. I knew the Law of Chastity was a blessing when I came out of the mess with Farmer Ted. So grateful I didn't date him or get more involved than I had. And I only escaped because he wouldn't date a woman who wouldn't.

My house of cards life is falling down around me. Finally.  The Pied Piper has called.

The NY tax man took my bank account away.  An account with nothing but unemployment money. That's illegal but I don't have the energy to go to legal aid and deal.  My car broke on Sunday. My wrist broke 2 months ago,  it broke straight across the bone and was completely mangled.  They did surgery on it and now I have a bionic arm with a metal plate.  And physical therapy thrice weekly, that I can't go to anymore because of the broken car.  My cat is probably sick, he's too thin.  My graduate program won't let me back in, because their ranking went up and they don't think I'm good enough anymore.  However, I've been fired from every non-academic job I ever had. I can't do anything else. So I don't know what to do now.

My heart was recently very broken. By a new one. It's a good thing because now I know I still have a heart. I learned how to love in a way I hadn't before. I opened myself and trusted a man for the first time in my life. He made me feel safe enough to say 'I love you' out loud. There was emotional intimacy. And then he broke my heart. I'll love him forever anyway, and be forever grateful. I think this means I'm human now, fully human. Whole? Maybe.

That's how we are in my little corner on the hill above the river overlooking the City. I don't know what the future holds. I expect happiness. Right now I can't see my way there. I can't see beyond the pile of bills and failure surrounding me.

I also can't see past the gaggle of men that cropped up out of nowhere--suddenly they are everywhere and they want me. Maybe because I'm ready now?