Welcome to the blog of the celibate.
Perhaps you are wondering who I am and what my blog is about. I'm a grad student living in New York City. As a practicing member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (the Mormons), I have chosen to live the law of chastity, all members are expected to do so. This means that I will not have sex until I'm married, nor engage in sexual relations of any kind. Not easy! I'm in my late 20s and my hormones are NOT happy about abstinence. It gets harder every year. Celibate dating is a challenge all its own and has lead to many strange and uncomfortable situations. I have learned, however, to be grateful for this law. I can see now how it has protected me. A man's character is instantly revealed when you tell him you are celibate. The worst ones turn around and run. Unless they think they can break you, sigh...
For all kinds of reasons, I've had a high turn-over of men. Most of my relationships were absurd. I shouldn't have dated most of them. Now I have a lot of stories about my dates, relationships, crushes, and failed pursuits. My failed romances have entertained many o'friend o' mine. Hence, Celibate in the City was born.
Another motivation behind this blog is the alienation of single mormons from church culture. Many of us feel left behind because so much of the church is centered on families. If you don't have a nuclear family, that makes you a freak. When I meet someone new at church and they find out I'm "A Single", then I have to endure their puzzled looks which then transform into pity. Inside they wonder, 'Why aren't you married, what's wrong with you?'
Because we are without a partner to share our burdens, we face challenges that the marrieds do not. It's hard to be a faithful member when you don't have someone with whom you can: pray, wake you up Sunday morning and go to church, sit in the pews, have family home evening, read scriptures...and those things couples do. It's not all about the celibacy, my angst has more to do with the realization that people were not meant to be alone. And my new fear that this state may be permanent. I'm trying to deal with that fact. I always assumed I'd get married and maybe have kids. That's what I wanted, eventually. Perhaps I have waited too long. . .
Three years ago, I had a shocking epiphany. My mother was driving us somewhere when she began talking about an older cousin of mine. This cousin was in her very early 30s. My mother said she sure felt sorry for my cousin being that age and still single. A sudden wave of horror passed through me. In a few years my mother and aunts would talk about me in the same way. I got sick. I said, "Please don't feel sorry for me when I'm 30 and single. I'm going to be doing lots of things and living my life and enjoying myself." She sat silently for a moment. Then said trepidly, "Do you think you're going to be single when you're 30?" "Probably. Don't hold your breath for my marriage." That ended the conversation. She sounded scared for me, like I told her I was going to catch a disease. What a long strange disease it's been.
Enjoy my blog. Leave comments. Send me an email. Or, just read and laugh. You are not alone.
And yes, I am a real virgin.
Come back for more TRUE stories of the strange, sad and pathetic exploits of me not having sex in the city.