Such a little thing . . .

Well, I had my date. After dinner, I told him I was Mormon and didn't believe in pre-marital sex. It was the right thing to do. He was completely freaked out, shocked and confused. But he wasn't mean to me like the last guy. We talked about it for two or three hours. Then we watched a movie while cuddling and kissing. But I came home fairly certain I'd never hear from him again. (Although, nothing had been settled.) But, he surprised me with a gentlemanly email, saying he'd like to try being friends because the other wasn't in the stars for us. He also called me a "sweet girl" which made me want to vomit.

If I weren't religious, we'd totally be a couple. Our chemistry was ridiculously steamy. He cooked me dinner, but couldn't even wait until afterwards to kiss me. Just grabbed me in the kitchen... It was so refreshing to be with a man that liked the same things I do, and had a healthy ego. It's been years since I've been out with a man like that. Ce la vie.

I was completely honest with him and put all my cards on the table. When I told him the church boys don't like me, he said, "Of course they don't. You're a punk rock girl." And yet, I am not the one for him.

What's a punk rock girl to do? . . . "Here kitty, kitty..." I think I'll learn to knit sweaters with cute animals on them.


Michael said...

Plenty of member boys want a punk rock girl

Anonymous said...

How do you define "sex"? A relationship can be very sexually satisfying even if sexual intercourse per se is out of the question. Did that ever come up your conversation with this guy? He sounds great.

thevitaminkid said...

When I told him the church boys don't like me, he said, "Of course they don't. You're a punk rock girl."

I think that's condescending, and he doesn't know dick about religious people. It's a stereotype. I'm not a Mormon, but that kind of mindset toward religious people (men) generally speaks of great ignorance.

Anonymous said...

I'm a member, and love punk rock girls, but it is unquestionably the case that the vast majority of mormon boys don't. That's not condescending; it's a fact.

Hang in there, JL.

~Randy B.

Anonymous said...

I think you should spend some time cultivating a friendship with this guy. As a non-Mormon, I have to admit that I'm riddled with ignorance about the faith, and as a non-Christian, I'm riddled with ignorance about faith in general. Not that YOU need to be the Mormon Martyr to the world, righting all the misperceptions people have about them, but perhaps this guy will come to appreciate you and your faith the more he gets to know you. And even if it IS only ever a friendship, you're still benefitting, because it sounds like you could use more good friends in your life.

Kevin Barney said...

You absolutely did the right thing in putting your cards on the table early.

(Wrote the husband of a Mormon rock chick.)

JL said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stephen said...

My wife had worked the summer in a punk rock bar in San Francisco the summer before I met her.

But, everyone has places they connect, and places they don't.

Too bad my nephew is only in his mid-twenties. I think he is tall enough for you (he's a good deal taller than I am) and is starting med school in Rochester. If he were a bit more mature I'd try to set you up, distance or not.

Anonymous said...

You can't really fault the guy; everyone has their own little set of deal breakers. If you met a guy you really liked and had great chemistry with, but then found out on your first date that it's absolutely imperative that he be in a sexual relationship, you'd check out immediately.

thevitaminkid said...

JL, I had never read any of your early blog posts before. This morning I went back to the beginning in 2004. You have improved tremendously as a writer since then. Comparing what you've written in the past year to those early posts... the character and quality is completely different. It took a long time and a lot of writing before I had any sense of satisfaction with my own ability to string words together. You have developed greatly in a relatively short span.

This has nothing to do with the topic at hand. But I thought praise and encouragement were in order, judging by what I read.

J.L. said...

Thank you VitaminKid. Reading old posts makes me cringe. I've also changed tremendously since 2004. I've grown more in the last 3 years than I did in the previous 10 years. I still hope to one day do something professionally with writing. I just don't know how, what, or when.

To the anons: single mormons aren't supposed to be sexually satisfied. We did talk about all that and more. It looks like he was serious about wanting to be friends. So we are going to try. The trick will be keeping our hands off each other. I don't fault him at all, I'm really impressed by how he is handling this. Most men just never call me again.

Michael, you give me hope brother.
Kevin, good to see you again.
Randy B, I don't remember seeing you comment before, so welcome.
E, Always good to hear from you. I have no problem dating younger men. But Rochester is probably too far away.

jlang14 said...


I left you a fairly unenteraining email the other day. Did you get it? (Slap me on the Patio?)

If so, please let me know at,


If you didn't, please email me at,