It finally hit me. I have figured out a possible solution for multiple problems.
Problem #1: School has burned me out. I find it so hard to care anymore. The fact that I hate my students now makes it even worse. I expect to be insulted by my misogynist alcoholic professors--I got used to that as an undergrad, but getting it from my students is too much. Why am I killing myself with stress and living this ascetic life in the middle of a metropolis just so I can be insulted and disrespected by my students? [I know this is not the correct use of 'disrepect' but it's the way they use it and that's what they're doing.]
Once I loved the writing and reading and teaching. Now I hate it. I had a short paper due last week. I wrote out a detailed thesis, did all my research and was ready to go. I still haven't written one word! I don't know what's wrong with me, but this is a serious problem.
Problem #2: Nor do I feel like writing humorous dating stories anymore. I don't want this blog to die, it's been a great creative outlet that I've really enjoyed. And I know I'll want to get back to writing those stories at some point. I'm just not interested in my own love life these days. So I've been feeling stumped.
Insight #1: My most popular piece to date was the Post modern blog-date analysis. Not a humorous dating story. Nor a publishable paper or anything I would even consider handing in to a professor. But people seemed to express that they want more.
Insight #2: In the past, the supposedly celibate monks and clerics of Europe did all the academic work and philosophizing (or sophistry) and translating of Greek philosophers. They were also the only writers for most of the medieval period.
Insight #3: So...due to my academic and celibate states, I should proclaim myself a modern day cleric and combine these things with the craft of writing.
Soultion: I'm going to expand the repertoire of this blog. Originally, I tried to keep a very narrow focus because I felt my audience came here for the drama and humor. And those things are what I needed when I began blogging, so I could escape. Now, I've escaped too far--and can no longer find my way back to real life. My hope is that if I write about my work in a conversational manner, then I can learn to love it again. And maybe I'll remember why I'm putting myself through the torture of grad school. I can't seem to write one word for my papers, so maybe if I write informal abstracts here then it will lead me back to doing my work.
Justification: My audience has proven wrong my assumption that they only want soap opera-esque comedy. You are intelligent people who enjoy using your brains. My philosophical posts will be scattered amongst the other kind, I expect. Most thinking people crave philosophy, but they might not know it. Because philosophy is the contemplation and study of what it is to be human in this world, it's relevant to everyone. Our culture has minimized its importance to the point that most Americans have no idea what philosophy is. That is a travesty.
You have been duly informed that things may get very different around here.
Or maybe not. Sigh.
