8 Random Facts

V tagged me for this post over at his blog, Gravity and Fusion. He is a long-time blog friend with exceptional taste in music.

Now that I am stuck at home waiting for a phone call to have my meds refilled while enjoying a withdrawal headache, this seemed like a good time.

1. first, post these rules
2. post 8 random facts about yourself
3. write a blogspot about those facts
4. tag and name 8 more bloggers
5. tell them that they're tagged at their blog

Fact 1: I wear a size 10 1/2 shoe. It is worse than wearing an 11, because most shoe makers skip size 10 1/2. Check your shoe catalogues. This is why I only wore men shoes until a few years ago.

Fact 2:I once spent the night wandering the streets of London with nowhere to sleep. I did catch about 30 minutes of snooze time in the photo booth at Victoria Station, but the custodian threw me out. I also took a return trip to Oxford so I could sleep on the bus. London is a very unfriendly city for the accomodation-less! There are no good benches, they lock the parks...It happened because I am not good with money, or my impulse-control, and had to buy a pair of shoes in Camden Town. Using the last of my cash on these men's shoes, left me without a bed for my last two nights of a 2 month backpacking trip. However, I did wisely spend my last night sleeping at the airport.

Fact 3: I was in the marching band my last year of Jr. High. I tried to avoid it for as long as I could. But the band teacher got sick of me being first chair in the Intermediate band, 'aka kids not good enough to play in the concert/marching band'. In high school when I had to choose between swim team and band, I threw the spats away.

Fact 4: One night I had to pay the cover to get into a club because the bouncer thought I was with the Foofighters. I was very P/O'd! All my friends got in free, as usual, but I was last in line and the guys behind me were flirting (turns out they were the Foofighters, sans Noceselic. When I tried to get in the door, the dude held his palm out for the cheddar. The guys had just come from a big concert and explained this to the bouncer. He did not give a rat's tootie who they were and he made them pay the cover. Did they pay for me? No, they did not. Did I talk to them again the rest of the night? No, I did not.

Fact 5: I do not mind male back hair. It's certainly not a turn-on, but it doesn't gross me out or make me recoil in horror as it does for some women.

Fact 6: I will be on psychotropic medication for the rest of my life. And we are ok with this. I'm not ok with shelling out a third of my income to pay for these meds, nor the credit card debt I have amassed over the years to buy them. But, until our immoral-for-profit health care industry collapses in on itself or bankrupts every middle-class American, and small business owner, I'm stuck. {Although I plan to move to the UK when I am done with school. NHS, I'm coming home baby!}

Fact 7: I used to hate The Smiths and Morrissey. Until the day when I got the joke. And yet, even before that, I inexplicably bought "The Smiths Best I", when I went to college. Then I listened to it with increasing regularity...until it dominated my CD player, where it still lives to this day.

Fact 8: I may take a sell-out full time corporate job. They are threatening to offer me a position at this big company that sells HR consulting. I think I have reached the point when I can no longer sustain myself teaching. My credit card payments have gotten too high, I'm sick of not having health insurance, I'm sick of guaranteed unemployment every summer without any unemployment benefits... but the thought of taking this job makes me sick too. I don't know what to do.

The End

Bloggers tagged to post 8 Random Facts:

1. Michael
2. Lollygagger
3. Faye Min
4. Ann
5. Smash
6. House of Payne
7. Noelle F.
8. triska

Such a little thing . . .

Well, I had my date. After dinner, I told him I was Mormon and didn't believe in pre-marital sex. It was the right thing to do. He was completely freaked out, shocked and confused. But he wasn't mean to me like the last guy. We talked about it for two or three hours. Then we watched a movie while cuddling and kissing. But I came home fairly certain I'd never hear from him again. (Although, nothing had been settled.) But, he surprised me with a gentlemanly email, saying he'd like to try being friends because the other wasn't in the stars for us. He also called me a "sweet girl" which made me want to vomit.

If I weren't religious, we'd totally be a couple. Our chemistry was ridiculously steamy. He cooked me dinner, but couldn't even wait until afterwards to kiss me. Just grabbed me in the kitchen... It was so refreshing to be with a man that liked the same things I do, and had a healthy ego. It's been years since I've been out with a man like that. Ce la vie.

I was completely honest with him and put all my cards on the table. When I told him the church boys don't like me, he said, "Of course they don't. You're a punk rock girl." And yet, I am not the one for him.

What's a punk rock girl to do? . . . "Here kitty, kitty..." I think I'll learn to knit sweaters with cute animals on them.

...and you leave on your own, and you go home and you cry... Not this time!

Oh, does JL have a date this weekend? Why, yes she does! Woo hoo.

But we aren't going to get too excited yet, because he is not LDS and does not know that she is Mormon and celibate.

I don't want to give too many details because I know he is an heavy internet user, but,.... A certain performer whom I inordinately love performed in A.C. last night. Since I had no friends to go with, and I knew people in the city would have difficulty getting there, I posted a ride-share ad online. I got a few responses, and ended up with a free ticket and two gentlemen passengers. They were both very sweet and I loved having their company.

The show was fantastic, as always, but very surreal. This performer does not usually play in fancy casinos. On the way to the concert hall, we had to pass through the lush gilded hotel and gambling rooms filled with elderly people and tourists. Unfortunately, the sound system was abysmal. But the singer was fabulous and broke all our hearts, as always. He enjoyed himself and hammed it up since it was the last performance of the American tour. You can read a review of the concert from V here.

One of my passengers and I hit it off, and somehow the evening turned into a pre-date date for us. We arrived early and the younger guy wanted to wait in line, but we wanted to eat, since we are crusty old-timers. The over-priced buffet was the only food available. There we sat at a table together talking (he is very cute by the way), in our posh and gauche surroundings. He was very polite, sweet, and funny. It felt like a first date, but without the pressure and with the promise of the show afterwards to make everything better.

During the show, we stood together and shouted our observations and remarks in each other's ears. We smiled at each other over certain songs, danced together, and sang the same words. I couldn't help feeling as though I might be falling for this man, he who stood by my side as the music washed over us. Sharing such a happy and significant event created a potent intimacy. At one point, it almost felt like he wanted to kiss me, as we looked at each other with contentment during the beautiful, sad, slow song (fans know which one; yes, the slowest and saddest song in the repertoire). Even though I knew all of this was just the thrill of the moment and the music, I enjoyed it while it lasted.

During the encore, after the dozen or so stage rushes, the performer threw his sweaty shirt into the audience, right next to us. A mob riot ensued for possession of the shirt. It went on for 15-20 minutes. Both of us got pushed and pulled by the fray, but he caught me and held on to keep me from falling to the floor. Then he helped extract me from the dangerous nerdy crowd, by pulling me away with him. On our way out the door, he gave me a big hug.

The drive home took 3 hours, because I went the wrong way and ended up in Philadelphia, a typical mistake for me. We talked the whole way. The other fan slept in the back seat. As we neared the city, he asked me out. I said yes. He wants to take me dancing.

Now. I have to tell him about my religion and no-sex thing. He was puzzled by my not drinking and asked about it. To my shame, I was dishonest about the reason why. I said, 'for one thing it's because I'm on medication'. Which is true, but not. My sorry excuse is that I didn't want to ruin the night with truth and reality. Probably a bad call.

The last non-LDS man I went out with went ballistic when I told him about my celibacy. Even though it was just our first date, he went on and on about how I should have told him earlier. So, I must tell my new friend the news before we go out, right? I guess I should do it on the phone. Maybe he'll be OK with things, being the artsy sensitive type of guy, but...

The truth is, regular men expect sex to be part of dating, as one of the major reasons to date. Why would they want to date a woman who won't have sex with them, when other women will? Don't they have to be extremely mature or very desperate? I hope I am being overly cynical in my estimation, but I've had men tell me as much.

Either way, I had a wonderful evening with a lovely man and the best pop music ever made. I did not go home, cry and want to die on this night.

Singles Survey: How is your ward?

Ok. I did expect to get negative feedback on my last post, but I did not expect that much. I am frankly surprised by the hostility. Why does my frustration call for other's fierce reprobation? One even went so far as to blame my singleness on my bad attitude. (Thank you for that, by the way.)

So, fine. Let's hear from the rest of you singles. Is my isolation from the family ward a singular experience (ha,ha)? Is the marginalization of single mormons merely a local cultural problem, or a more universal institutional one?

If you have a few minutes, and you are a single mormon, please answer the questions below in a comment.

If you think I am a whiney loser, who expects too much from church (like loving fellowship and inclusion), you may be right. Read the comments from other singles. You will either feel vindicated in your righteous judgement of me, or you might have your eyes opened to something which might be a real problem.

1. What is your age, sex and single status: never-married, divorced, widowed?

2. When was the last time you were asked to speak in church?

3. What is your current calling? How long have you had it?

4. What is the biggest calling you have ever had? How was it? AND, was this in a struggling branch/ward or a regular ward?

5. Are you a visiting or home teacher? (when was the last time you were?)

6. Do you have significant relationships with any members of your ward (real friendships)?

7. What is your favorite part of church?

8. What part of church do you wish would change? How would you change it?

9. In general, do you feel accepted and loved by others at church, or do you feel like an outsider?

10. For those of us who aren't as enlightened as you, what did you do to mitigate that outsider-feeling and make yourself more included?

11. Any relevant anecdotes you would like to share?

My answers:

1. 31, female, never married;
2. I was last asked to speak 5 years ago when I moved into a branch in the city.
3. No calling. I haven't had one in 3 years, despite asking 4 bishops for one.
4. I was a counselor in the primary. I loved it. It was a struggling branch.
5. I haven't been a visiting teacher since I was in a singles ward 6 years ago.
6. No friends. I tired making friends in the ward in Florida, but no one was interested.
7. I like singing the songs.
8. See post below for what I would change.
9. I do not feel included
10. I'm not enlightened.
11. No.

Feel free to skip any questions. Thank you for your time and input! Can't wait to see the answers. I hope it is my fault that I find church so unpleasant, because it's a lot easier to change myself than the whole church.

The Singles Crisis in the Church: A Manifesto

No mincing words here. I am fed up.

My mother told me last year that there are now more singles than marrieds in the church* (Does anyone know where this stat comes from?). You would never know by looking around on Sunday. Single people tend not to go to church. And I can tell you why. Socially, the church acts as an auxilary for the family, the nuclear family. Who wants to drag themselves out of bed and get dressed up every week so they can be made to feel less than a real person? Those single people who are active have my full admiration. I wish I were that strong. I believe in the gospel. I believe in Jesus Christ and the Book of Mormon and the prophets. But I hate going to church.

The function of the church absolutely needs to change. It is past time. They will continue to lose their single members if something major is not done. What should be done?

First of all, the church needs to become a family for single people. A place where they can go to get unconditional support and love. Structurally, I think that might be achieved in the following ways:

1. Every ward should have family home evening at church every Monday. there should be a committee which runs it. Everyone is invited to attend. This will not only help singles, but new members who want to get a better understanding of what family home evening is about.

2. Every ward should have a calling in the bishopric for a single man, who will minister to the needs of single members. He will also voice their needs to the ward leadership, so they will not be left out.

3. Likewise, every ward should have a single woman in the Relief Society presidency whose job is to minister to the single women.

4. Once a month, sacrament meeting should be devoted to talks for and by and about the needs of single people. If there are more of us, than there are of you marrieds, then why the heck do we have to listen to crap about how to raise children week after week? That's absurd. Our spiritual needs are different. Trying to live with the law of chastity is extremely difficult, and we need support at church. Trying to maintain one's hope for an eternal family is extremely difficult, and should be supported at church, not undermined as it is now.

This would also address a problem that few marrieds have likely noticed, single people rarely get asked to talk in church and rarely get important callings. That is also absurd. We have more time than most married people, so we may be able to do more in big callings than family folk.

In short, it makes no sense that the church is so far behind with the social reality, that Satan is winning, the family is becoming endangered, and most members are not part of a marriage.

P.S. I expect to get the usual comment from some members, that I should stop complaining and see what I can do to be more Christlike and improve my ward. Blah blah blah. There is a time and a place for anger. Even Jesus got angry. A majority of the church members are being driven away by an outdated institution that marginalizes them. It is time to get angry. It is time for something to be done.

*I have no knowledge as to the actual veracity of this statistic. See comments for more info.

Our Frank

and open, deep conversations,
they get me nowhere, they bring me down so...

Yes, I am back to quoting Morrissey. Next week I'm driving down to south to go to the show with my bestest friend in the whole world.

Back to more pressing issues. What is it still like to STILL be Celibate in the City?

Sigh.

Do you ever wonder how it is that you've gone through so much, all the drama, all the work, all the gosh darn experience, and yet, you are still in the same place? Still alone and bored on another Saturday night? How did I end up so stuck here? How did I drive my life into the ground like that?

More importantly, what am I going to do about it? I had hoped it would be an exciting and fun date-filled summer. I had a man all lined up for the job. A great guy. But, he's just not that into me. Crap. I found him online. We went out 3 times, but spent 2 months courting each other via email, text and the phone. I must disappoint in person. The one or two of you who may have e-crushes on my blog personality should keep that in mind. I'm better in your imagination.

My plunge into insanity did destroy my social life, and I don't know how to re-create it. It gets much harder each year. As people get married and move away, move on, they fade from your phone contact list.

Any suggestions?

I'm too old for the singles ward so don't even breathe that blasphemy.

P.S. When I updated my template to the dumb version, to fix my comments, I thought it said that blogger would save a copy of my old template so I could revert to it later. Yet, I don't see it anywhere. Any help? It makes me sick to think that all the work I did on my blog is just gone. I want to restore all my links to everyone and everything else.