The break-up is an interesting phenomenon. Though often painful, it can also be relieving, anticlimactic or even funny. Lovers’ final words can speak volumes about their relationship, and often about the nature of romantic relationships in general. In this spirit, I offer you five personal break-ups, each with a different flavor:
My best friend and I were going steady with twin sisters. In our defense, we were nine. The following took place in their front yard with family watching…
Me: So…umm…we don’t want to go with you anymore.
Best Friend: Yeah, we’re kicking you to the curb like yesterday’s garbage.
Me: And we’re not giving you rides on our skateboards anymore, either.
BF: Unless you really have somewhere to go.
The girls didn’t say a word. We regretted the decision 15 minutes later. They never took us back.
Done over a casual lunch…
Girlfriend: I think we should break-up.
Me: Me too.
GF: I’m so glad you said that. I think we’ve both known it’s been coming.
Me: Yeah, are we still going swing dancing Friday, or should I find a date?
GF: Either way. Maybe we can go together and help each other find dates there.
We didn’t find dates for each other and we never got back together. But it was the least painful break-up ever.
While cuddling on a grassy knoll overlooking the city…
GF: I’m going to Texas next week to the homecoming of I guy I met on my (LDS) mission.
GF: I’m not sure why, I just feel like God wants me to go.
GF: I guess what I’m saying is that I think we should slow things down until I find out what God is trying to tell me.
She and the Texan were married six months later.
Over the phone…
GF: Sorry I haven’t called you in a month. I’m in drug rehab.
Me: Rehab? You don’t do drugs.
GF: I know. I don’t…didn’t. I tried heroin and it ruined my life. I just checked in.
Me: I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?
GF: I think we should break things off. At least until I can get my head back on straight.
Me: Yeah, umm…sure…okay (still trying to figure out what just happened).
Happily, she stayed clean after getting out of rehab. We never got back together.
GF: You’re emotionally unavailable.
GF: Is that all you can say?
With that, she threw an entire stack of cds at my face. Each left me a small, bruised reminder of the night’s events. We got back together a year later. We’re sadistic like that.
I could add the “It’s Not Me, It’s You” Break-Up or the 14 Hour Drive Home In Silence Break up, but I’d rather hear about you. What are some of your best break-up stories?