To My Surrogate Boyfriends

Dearest Ben, and Sweetest Jerry,

How do I thank you for eveything? For the years of faithful devotion and service?
Perhaps I can try.

Thank you for all the pleasure you've given me over the years.
You have never disappointed with a lackluster performance,
Perfection in a package everytime: the sensual way you slide down my tongue, the cool delight of your touch on my anticipating lips, and the feeling of satisfaction you give....

You are always there when I'm blue and need to be cheered.
You never set me aside for more exciting pastures,
You wait until I'm ready for you.
You're never too busy for me.
Your whole life is about satisfying me.
You don't keep secrets from me, you wear your insides on a label that I can read.
I never have to guess what you're made of, or what you want from me.
You have a heart of the purest, creamiest, dreamiest gold. And such variety!
Sometimes with fudge brownies, or heath bars, or the raw cookie dough--you're so silly!

Always there on a lonely Friday night to make life a little sweeter.
And you never leave me--you stay beside me through thick and thick
-- on the side of my thighs you sit in ever-expanding support.
I only have to look down at my widening hips to know how much you love me.
B&J, I love you too.
Kisses! !