3.29.2005

La Virgen de la Bodega

No new posts within a whole week!? What's wrong with me? I'm attempting to discipline myself. I have tried to hold my blogging activity hostage to my work productivity. If I produce, then I can write for my blog.

Sigh....no production as of yet. Tonight I cheat with this little post. I didn't grade anything today! I planned to grade exams at the diner while I ate breakfast. Then I noticed I didn't have time, had to go to the city blah blah blah ...I decided to put off the city thing until tomorrow.

I will probably live a very long life. When Death comes for me I'll explain that I can just as well die tomorrow, there is no reason we can't wait one more day. Given my procrastination skills, I shall live forever. And still get nothing done.

Ah. But I am trying. Baby steps. My friend made a list of things to do in the morning and the order in which to do them. I used to spend my mornings getting confused over those decisions. It was ridiculous. I'd sit in a chair sometimes for 30 minutes going over all the things I needed done and try to pick one of them. Now I have a routine I can stick to and don't have to think about it. Unless I have to go to the store to buy cat food or breakfast, that throws the whole thing off.

La Virgen

A teenage girl packed my groceries at the store tonight. It was late so there were few people around and no line. She talked to the cashier who also looked like a teenager but a bit older. She said, "I'm still a virgin. I'm going to stay a virgin. I'm waiting until I'm married." The other girl responded, "No you won't." She said, "Yes I will! You wait and see. You want to make a bet? I will wait." The other said, "What if you never get married? Do you want to die a virgin?" The girl said, "I will get married, don't worry about that." You go girl! But, the likelihood of her making it to marriage? A lot of teenage girls want to wait but don't.

[I think I read somewhere that a large percentage of these teens who sign the virginity pledge end up having sex earlier than average. Not sure I believe that though. Anyone out there know what's up with that?]

I paid for my food. I wanted to say something to the girl. I wanted to encourage her and tell her that she could wait if she wanted to, that I was waiting and I was 29. But I couldn't make the words come out. I didn't know exactly what to say. I was afraid to say anything. I stalled as I collected the plastic bags. I get so nervous talking to people. Would it do any good anyway? What if she didn't know anyone else who waited? What if everyone told her it was impossible? Then it would be so easy for her to give up. Why should she bother trying to do the impossible? As I sorted through the questions, time passed.

I wanted to...then found myself walking out the automatic door and into the rainy night. Already I regretted my silence. I smiled at her on the way out. Lot of good that will do. The walk is too short to bother with an umbrella, especially with both hands carrying heavy bags. The rain fell in big cold drops, almost frozen so they hit hard. They splashed my glasses, blurring the world into splotches of glare. Waiting for the traffic light to change, I told myself I could say something to her next time. (Like that will happen.)

Excuses, excuses. JL: The Queen of Excuses.

What should I have said? What would you have done? Anything? Nothing?

***
I gave the boy another chance. But I decided to do that for rational reasons, not out of the blindness of a crush-striken girl. If the patterns return, then I will extract myself from the situation. So far, so good. Details in my next post. Which I expect to do Wednesday. I promised to have exams graded by Wednesday so when they are done I can blog. This morning, I had a nightmare about a big ungly pink rabbit named Mr. Bunny who came after me because I didn't have the tests done. It was really an angry student. For motivation, I'll picture Mr. Bunny with his fangs and bloody dialysis tube (don't ask). In my dream, I chopped off his head to keep him from telling on me. Then a new Mr. Bunny appeared!

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

We could trade fish stories on who is the bigger procrastinator. LOL. I'm reading a book called Break the Procrastination Habit...NOW!  that I found on sale at B&N for $6. I'm trying a method of earning points by tackling my usually avoided tasks, and then "buying" priveleges with the points earned. I did well yesterday, but today I've been a slob. We'll see.

I probably would have done the same as you with the grocery bagger, although I can picture myself saying to the cashier, "She can do it if she really wants to. I have." It's amazing how the barest phrase from a stranger can stick with a person throughout life. I still remember a woman approaching me during one of my teenage dance recitals to say that she always looked forward to seeing me dance. I wasn't even an advanced dancer! ... just one of the crowd. I'll never forget that.

I sometimes like trying to interpret dreams, but I think I'll leave that one alone. LOL 

Left by Kwirki Girl

Anonymous said...

I have read that young people who sign virginity pledges (the "True Love Waits" kind of thing) do have sex later, but they are more likely to have unprotected sex than young people who don't sign such pledges.

Sorry, no references. 

Left by Ann

Anonymous said...

"I gave the boy another chance. But I decided to do that for rational reasons, not out of the blindness of a crush-striken girl. If the patterns return, then I will extract myself from the situation."

Save yourself some time. 

Left by Davis Bell

Anonymous said...

http://www.sltrib.com/nationworld/ci_2612641

"Teenagers who take virginity pledges - public declarations to abstain from sex - are almost as likely to be infected with a sexually transmitted disease as those who never made the pledge, an eight-year study released Friday found.  "

"From a public health point of view, an abstinence movement that encourages no vaginal sex may inadvertently encourage other forms of sex that are at higher risk of STDs.

Left by anon girl

Anonymous said...

I have been putting off doing my masters thesis for oh...five years now?

I probably won't ever do it. That close to my masters. A pity.

The virginity thing. I waited. But not until I was married. I gave up on that at 25 years of age. Funny thing is I ended up getting married a little over six months later, sadly not to the man I gave it up to. I wish I had waited for my husband instead. 

Left by sleepingmommy

Anonymous said...

Whoooaaaa - JL that dream. I can imagine it being a real motivator to keep the work life busy.

As to the conversation in the bodega, maybe your time wasn't right. God, he she or it as they say, is preparing you for when it is time to have that conversation with whomever it is right to have it with. Seems to me the not getting the words out was your way of telling yourself that this wasn't the right person or she wasn't ready to hear it yet. You have a piece of information - keep it tucked away, it may come in handy some day

Russel 

Left by Russel in Retrograde

Anonymous said...

Well, I've got a 40 year old bachelor available. He is the guy who got my wife and I together.

His wife left him for the land lord about eleven years ago and he hasn't remarried (though she has several times).

Too bad he has some health problems. And isn't twenty years younger. But he is 6' and 225. Teaches Ju Jitsu when not keeping the canals clean. 

Left by Stephen M (Ethesis)

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Browsed through this when I was volunteering as a "native" speaker at the MTC (they couldn't tell the difference...). Anyway, it may be helpful--the part at the end, I think. Good luck.
Ensign 1996 June p.23: "The Invisible Heartbreaker" 
 

Left by Andrea

Anonymous said...

K. I hope this didn't post twice. Firefox or the server or something is hanging up. Anyway, here's an article you might find useful when dealing with this boy--especially the last part of it that talks about what to do about emotionally abusive situations. Good luck.
Ensign 1996 June p.23: "The Invisible Heartbreaker" 
 

Left by Andrea

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