3.17.2005

This is a real question

What's the friggin point? I'm in exactly the same place I was last year, though deeper in debt and further behind.

I'm really asking you folks. I need to borrow some hope since I've run out of my own at the moment. (I also ran out of some anti-depressants a few days ago, coincidence?)
So, what gets you out of bed in the morning?

46 comments:

Anonymous said...

Quit whining, take a deep breath, remind yourself of your short-term goals, and then just do it. One foot in front of the other. All other worries are noise. Oh, and don't let go of the handrail.

Millions of people would love to be in your high heels. 

Posted by Anon Girl

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

A large, active dog and 20 mg of fluoxetine hydrochloride get me up every morning. Can you get a refill? 

Posted by Anon Girl

Anonymous said...

By the time you swear your his
Shivering and sighing, And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying-
Lady make a note of this: One of you is lying.  

Posted by Anonymous

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I have a large bottle of fluoxetine HCl that I could mail you, if that wasn't illegal. I can't take it because it kills my libido. 

Posted by Ann

Anonymous said...

Ack! JL, go get your meds! Call it an order from your virtual visiting teacher.

I do relate, though. I'm about to launch myself on the world with a HUGE stack of student loans and no job. Hooray!

However, what pulls me through is the fact that going to law school felt like the right thing to do. No matter how many times I have questioned that, it did feel right.

So try to focus on the good bits - and I do know how impossible that can feel. And for heaven's sakes, get some drugs, my friend. 

Posted by Kelly

Anonymous said...

Whatgets me out of bed in the morning is usually my incredibly small bladder almost reaching bursting point.....

Good as an excuse as any I figure. 

Posted by cath

Anonymous said...

Anonymous,
That is not a happy thought. This a place for happy thoughts. But that comment would be great a few posts ago.

I don't take that drug, this was a new one that I had only samples for, I see the doctor tomorrow. I don't think I want to go back on it actually. I don't like this crashing. I'm still on all my other ones, so I am stable. Just blue.  

Posted by JL

Anonymous said...

There were times only inertia kept me going.

But, every year past is one more year towards a completed life. I hope you are closer to graduation, closer to a PhD and closer to freedom to move where the wind wills you.

Sunrises, snow sparkles, good books and joy, all moved me as did the reminders, from time to time, that God was mindful of me (though I admit to often wondering what the heck he thought he was doing to me).

Life endures as does joy. 

Posted by Stephen M (Ethesis)

Anonymous said...

What gets me up in the morning? Realizing that being up, out and about makes the day so much better, much more enjoyable. Laying in bed all day is too hard, it makes time seem like it is standing still. (As I type this laying in bed) 

Left by dJake

Anonymous said...

Tip? Get out to nature, take some deep breaths and find some nice things to enjoy - simple things. Start small and work your way up. And definitely get some more meds. Surround yourself with positive friends and get decent sleep. :)  

Left by Nic

Anonymous said...

If you're not in the place in life where you want to be, you know tomorrow will probably be a better day than today cause you'll get where you want to be eventually. I always work harder when I'm not feeling great because when life takes a turn for the better I'll have more time to enjoy it.

And if that's not enough, get away for a day, take a hike in a forest, smell a flower. Especially now, it's spring again!

** sends some hope ** 

Left by RG

Anonymous said...

What gets me out of bed: remembering that so many other people have it SO much worse than I do and they seem to manage to keep going. Getting perspective. 

Left by katie

Anonymous said...

What gets me out of bed: remembering that so many other people have it SO much worse than I do and they seem to manage to keep going. Getting perspective. 

Left by katie

Anonymous said...

Hate to threadjack you but its for a worthy purpose. My wife just found out that she matched to the pediatric residency program at Mt. Sinai Hospital. WOW!!! 

Left by danithew

Anonymous said...

CONGRATULATIONS! That's impressive!! So are you moving here or waiting for more offers?

And that's not a threadjack, that kind of thing is definitely worth getting out of bed for. How long has it taken your wife to get this far?  

Left by JL

Anonymous said...

We'll probably be moving to NYC in June sometime.

The whole match process is pretty limited in the sense that you go where you match. There is a degree of influence in the sense that a person applies only to programs they'd want to attend and gets to rank the residency programs in order of preference. Then the programs that interviewed the applicant also rank the applicants in the order they liked them. A computer sorts the rankings of all the medical students out and the "match" is to only one school. Wherever you "match" is the place that you go.

Sorry for the extended explanation and again, sorry for the threadjack.

p.s. And can I just say in my best Will Smith impersonation voice that DAMN! No one is kidding when they say that the cost of housing in NYC is high. :) 

Left by danithew

Anonymous said...

I only get up in the morning because my kitty paws at my face with his claws out, sometimes leaving innocent and 'loving' scratches. That, and the fact that my food and rent depend on showing up to a job I hate and makes me feel patronized 8 hours a day...

OH:Anyone with extra fluoxetine can send it my way! I take 80mg/day...
 

Left by JL's baby sis

Anonymous said...

Danithew,

Without meaning to completely destroy the thread, let me note that I completely understand about Manhattan prices. I suggest --

1. Talk to local bishops and stake pres. There are often sublets that come open among the Mormon student community, and perhaps you can get a good deal.

2. Check Craigs list.

3. Look outside of the expensive parts. Don't even think about Upper East Side / Upper West Side / Tribeca / etc. Instead, think Inwood or Washington Heights if you're on the island. Look in inexpensive neighborhoods in Brooklyn (though Park Slope is getting Manhattan-ish in prices itself), in Queens (like Kew Gardens), in the Bronx (Marble Hill, where I live, is pretty reasonable).

Good luck finding housing out here -- it's pretty crazy. 

Left by Kaimi

Anonymous said...

JL, I am thinking about you! You can come and live with me in this up and coming metropolis. The living is cheap and I have a couch for you...it would be like old time in Eire! Lord, we'd never any sleep because we would talk all the time. Hope you get some more meds. My meds are working well...except that I forget to eat because I don't get hungry. It could be worse. Take care of you! XOXO, Diva 

Left by Diva

Anonymous said...

What used to get me up in the morning was knowing that somebody had to meet the little boy at the bus stop, and that if I didn't, he'd wander home and find me dead. And that we don't own firearms. And I had nothing to overdose on.

Therapy. Meds are great, but therapy was really important to helping me only want to be dead once or twice a day, vs. all the time for several months on end.

One thing that helps a lot, looking back, is that although after one year things had not changed at all and had actually gotten much, much worse, after 18 months things are much improved. Still dealing with the aftermath, but I can see a resolution, maybe.

One day at a time. 

Left by Ann

Anonymous said...

Sorry for the unhappy thought, if you're referring to my poetry post. I didn't mean to associate it with you, but instead the general theme and scope of your blog. I just thought it was a funny poem I read on a website. I apologize for that. 

Left by Anonymous

Anonymous said...

What gets me out of bed ion the morning? A really annoying alarm clock that goes off at 6:30, an even more annoying companion, my roommate who walks in at a quater to 7 with a army helmet who jumps on me, and the young couple that lives below us "waking" eachother up. Maybe you should try a mission. You already have the "strick obedience to the law of chastity" bit down. 

Left by Elder Orbit

Anonymous said...

Ann -- kids can really keep you going when nothing else does.

JL -- darn, I wish I had more to suggest than the hope of joy and the reality of Hebrews, Chapter 12.

 

Left by Stephen M (Ethesis)

Anonymous said...

OK I know this is trite, but I once heard someone say that life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. And man that ticked me off the first time I heard it but sometimes it can work. I know that now, I think of all the wonderful things I would have missed had I hurt myself as much as I wanted to 10 years ago - so maybe that's what gets me up the promise that everyday I see at least one thing that reminds me of the miracles of the world. 

Left by Russel in Retrograde

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your comments everyone! And good luck Danithew.

Diva, I will keep that under consideration. I miss grass. and squirrels. I imagine you have a lot of that out there. We did have a lot of fun didn't we? Thanks for the pictures, I'd forgotten about the refugee camp. LOL.

Getting out of the city? That would be awesome. I need to go camping. I haven't left since January when I saw my family in Florida. And having something to look forward to would make a big difference I think. Also, increasing the spirituality in my life. It seems to be a necessary sustaining force that I constantly lose out of laziness.

Russel,
I agree with the attitude thing. I've been trying to work on that. Sometimes I feel lost trying to focus on something positive and not finding something, but this is my loss of spirituality thing I'm sure.  

Left by JL

Anonymous said...

Ann,
I know that feeling. Though I haven't wished for my own death in 8 years! Yay! It was a constant from age 13-20 and all I could do NOT to do something about it. The Wellbutrin took away my violent thoughts. Though I'm not sure some of the stuff I was on before that didn't make me violent, with all the new studies coming out that seems a possibility.

But what happens when you stop wanting to die? You have to want to live or you continue to waste away. Not so easy when you never learned to do that. It's my task now to want to live and to look forward to each day instead of lying in bed for an hour losing myself in dreams because I don't want to get up.

It does get better even though it doesn't feel like it ever will. I had resigned myself to a painful life. And I found something much better to my surprise! I've started the therapy thing again though I'm skeptical. I had thought I'd graduated from it since I was in so long. But I've accepted that I have new issues I never dealt with before. Like how to be an adult. 

Left by JL

Anonymous said...

"You have to want to live or you continue to waste away."

You've got to walk before you can run. I am thinking about thinking about doing things. I am thinking about maybe thinking about doing a community theatre gig. I'm not ready to actually think about doing it. But just being willing to entertain the idea that I might want to consider doing something like that...that's progress!

So, you don't have to want to live yet . But wanting to want to live...babe, that is a great start.

One day at a time. 

Left by Ann

Anonymous said...

I have to say it's been a long time since I've heard the want to want to mantra but man it brought back a rush of memories for me. And it works. Wanting to want something is a wonderful begining and keeps you focused. Besides there's the obvious reason to keep going. What in the world would we readers do without you JL?

 

Left by Russel in Retrograde

Anonymous said...

I've only had enough time for the most recent entries, but I daresay reading your blog is a capital reason to get out of bed! Brava! 

Left by MDJ

Anonymous said...

Aw crap! An uncharacteristic mini-attack of dyslexia caused me to enter a URL that definitely isn't mine. Damage control performed on this one... 

Left by MDJ

Anonymous said...

Thank you MDJ! This blog has been one of the best things going on in my life the last year. Sometimes it was the only thing that gave me any pleasure. I'm so glad I'm not the only one to enjoy it.  

Left by JL

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