Birthday Appearance

Did he or did he not come to my party? See this post for the prequel.

He called me about 30 minutes after I published the abuse post. But I was on the way to the grocery store for party food. He said he got my message and he was confused. I told him that we could talk about it later because now was not the time. I was on the street and had little time to prepare before the guests came. He asked me what I wanted him to bring and then said he'd see me soon.

About 8:30 or 9 pm he arrived. I offered to put guests' bags in my bedroom upstairs and he said he wanted to take me up on it. Then he whispered that he had something for me. So we went up to my bedroom. He gave me two presents and a card. One gift was a wrapped box and the other was in a bookstore bag. He said he bought the bagged one tonight, on his way over. The wrapped one he got for me a long time ago but forgot to give it to me this morning. We both sat down and I opened the little present and the card. The book was a clever apology gift and included a note saying that he was sorry.

Which segued us into talking about things. I told him how angry he had made me with his stupid comment, when he said he was embarrassed to be with me. He said that of course he didn't mean it. If he meant it then he wouldn't have said it. (Cold comfort.) I asked how I was supposed to know he didn't mean something he said. He said it was a joke, it was supposed to be funny. I told him it wasn't funny. He stressed again that he didn't mean it. I said that it didn't matter if he meant it or not, hearing the words hurt. Besides, there is some truth in every joke. He asked me what would make him embarrassed to be with me? That there was nothing. I said, "Well, I couldn't be more goyish could I?" But he said he doesn't care about that. Blah blah. I said that we should go back to the party before people start talking.

He displayed his usual party behavior, hanging back and watching the others; with some conversation sprinkled into the evening. I could tell he felt upset or worried. When he told me he had to leave I walked him to the door. He apologized again and said he didn't mean the stupid thing he said and he really did wish he could stay. Did I want him to stay? I told him it didn't matter. He said he had promised his friends he would go to their parties before he knew I was having one the same night. I suggested that he should have gone to the others first and ended up at mine last. He said he would have rather done that but the timing of the parties prevented him. He felt bad about leaving. We said goodbye.

Sunday I still felt angry and just disgusted. We didn't talk. We still haven't, other than some innocuous IMs. I WILL NOT be treated this way.