Let's Play 'Ask me on a Date' Chicken

No. Really, can we not? But you've already challenged me, so now I have to play. I won't lose --I won't ask you out.

I hate dating mormons. In my experience they are either way too pushy or too passive, more often the latter. Not all mor-men fit into these categories of course, but enough that they are the only kind I've dated. The pushy ones are desperate to marry so they start talking about marriage after dating for one month. The passive ones understand that they have the upper hand so they sit back and wait for the perfect woman to come to them. These guys go to the dreadful dances and don't ask the women to dance. Women do most of the asking. Then they also ask the men out on dates. The guys grow to expect women to chase them. [This is a pattern I've noticed and heard repeated by others. I don't know that it's universally true.] I think because, for a lot of these women, if they don't chase down a man, their lives will be an empty waste. They were raised to believe that their sole purpose in life is to be a good wife and mother.

Well, you gotta get a man before you can serve that purpose. And if you don't chase the men, plenty of other Mor-women will. Women out number the men so you better catch one quick! We have more at stake in this dating game because this culture defines a woman's identity by her family. And we also have less time, only so many fertile years and if you get too old to be attractive then you need to start your cat colony. Mor-men can take their time if they so choose, and get married in their 30s to some sweet young thing in her 20s (she has to be young enough to bear lots of babies!) It makes for a bad dynamic when the single mormons get older: late 20s and up. It makes me sick. So I refuse to chase the lazy ones. If a man doesn't have enough interest in me to at least risk asking me out, then he's not worth my time.

I'm currently pissed off about this for a reason. I have a dear friend I grew up with. We're the same age and we're both single. He plays the field with the younger ladies. And he complains to me about their silliness. For example, the 21 year old made him a collage; yes, she made a collage out of photos and gave it to a 28 year old man. But she drives him mad insisting she just wants to have fun, nothing serious. Oh, but she had a fit when he didn't call her for two days! And he loves it, every stinking bit of it. I hope I can go to my grave knowing I never made a collage for a man I dated.

I still love my friend anyway. He's not the reason for this post. Last week I had to call him so he could translate a Mor-man email for me. I couldn't tell what this guy wanted. He said pleasant things about meeting me and sounded positive. But he wrote, "Hopefully our paths will cross again soon." ....??? What does that mean? Sounds like a blow-off to me, another way to say 'maybe I'll see you around sometime. Don't call.' But then he ended with, "Next time you're planning something adventurous, let me know, I'm there!" --What? He didn't give me his number, he didn't suggest a time, and that kind of vagueness translates to "no thank you ma'am, I don't want to see you again."

However, my buddy said the dude was definitely interested in me and wanted me to ask him out. Excuse me? He said he uses the same M.O. and it's typical. If he likes a girl at church he'll give her his number then tell her to call if she wants to hang out. To which I said, "That wouldn't work on me, I wouldn't call you." He replied, 'That's ok, plenty of women would.' Then he laughed.

Whatever. I'm annoyed. But, since I didn't give this guy any signals when we went out, he had no idea I was interested. His passiveness I could excuse the first time. So, I emailed him back and bluntly listed a few acceptable 'adventurous' city activities. Then I said my schedule was fairly open and gave him my phone number. On retrospect, the 'open schedule' comment was a mistake, he could have read it as, "I have nothing to do because I'm a desperate loser so please call me!" Maybe I just don't care about putting up a front because I took it for granted that he could tell I'm not a desperate loser. Anyway, he was supposed to take the bait, not start a freaking game of email dating chicken. Wasn't it humiliating enough that I offered myself up on a platter like that? Apparently not.

Oh, yeah! [insert Duffman pelvic thrust with that.] Coy boy served it right back to me in his reply. This time he wrote, "If/when we hang out next we should"...something facetious that made me laugh. But that's all he said about that. He challenged me again to ask him out, though just barely, almost tauntingly. It sounds like the words of someone who thinks he has me. I see how my email could have come across that way, but his first email asked me to ask him out. I merely replied to his request by telling him he could ask me out instead.
I should let it go. I should not email him, but now I want to win. It's not about getting a date anymore, it's about victory. He will ask me out. *

*Unless he 's waiting for me to chase him first, then he can wait for someone else. That won't take long. Anyone giving away some kittens?

Next Post: The Desert, There and Back Again

Come back for more TRUE stories of the strange, sad and pathetic exploits of me not having sex in the city.