Dear Divorced in the North,
You had a 2 part question, so I've split these up.(see part 1 here or below)
How do you avoid being negative and bitter? It plagues singles. The dark nights. Endless disappointment and broken hearts. Hopelessness. It's enough to make one very negative. Bitter is a good word for it.
Forgive. Forgive yourself. Forgive the world, fate, the church, women, and your ex. Bitterness develops from suppressed anger, anger projected outward to others. Don't blame everything and everyone, or anyone, for your circumstances. Accept responsibility for your life. YOU made your bed. There were outside factors, but you could have chosen otherwise. Then forgive yourself. Love yourself.
When you love yourself, you know you're lovable. Which makes you lovable. And attractive.
Accepting responsibility for our lives is empowering. Knowing you have control means you are not a victim of the world. That means you have power over yourself and your life. It feels bad at first to blame ourselves, that's when you need to self-forgive. Then, you're able to take control of your destiny. You know you can DO SOMETHING about it. You can get on with changing things, fixing your life and getting rid of the garbage. Taking action creates hope, it breeds confidence. So, do something for yourself already!
Once you take control without anger, you become a more positive and attractive person. Good things will come to you.