Dear Celibate: Divorced in the North

Dear Celibate,

I am 31, divorced and with a child that I see every other weekend and on special occasions. I am very active in the Church, there wasn't any abuse or adultery or anything like that. Simply put we married way young and I never loved her and married due to the pressure of my various influences. Anyways friends were telling me to get out of it even before we got engaged. In fact I wrote a blog about it.

My friend who is a girl read it and said I come across as negative but how do I be positive about this situation enough to attract a girl is my question. I don't want to be what girls scrape the bottom of the barrel to get but sometimes that's my thoughts.  I'm what people would settle for. Any clues? Thanks!

--Divorced in the north

Dear Divorced,

Your problem is universal to all singles, 'How do we stay positive and attractive?'  First, you are NOT the bottom of the barrel!  You actually have some advantage over never-marrieds.

Here's what makes you a catch:
  • You've gone 'all the way': Committed to marriage. It says you are capable of real commitment. Maybe you're more scared because of the divorce, but you did it once. It implies you can do it again.
  •  Maturity: Having been married with a child means you are more mature than the others.  Women REALLY dig maturity.
  • Housebroken: Your ex-wife already trained you.  You've been broken from nasty bachelor habits. No more peeing in the shower, dripping pee on the toilet and floor, hairs in the sink, moldy dirty dishes, smelly apartment, greasy pizza box piles, dirty refrigerator, ugly decorating, old furniture from the curb, etc. She already did the work so the next one won't have to.
  • Experience: Let's tell the truth. You've had sex. You have skills that never-married temple-worthy men do not (virgins).  That means you won't have an awful fumbling wedding night, and the clumsy months after that.  Women do think about it.  It's a BIG plus in your favor.
  • Less suspicion (sometimes): Single men over 30 are wondered about. People wonder what's wrong with them. The assumption being that there must be something wrong with a single man in the church. Having been married, this suggests you may be more normal.  HOWEVER, you do have to deal with divorce stigma. As a single woman, I worry more about older never marrieds for the reasons above.  But, be prepared early on to explain your divorce.  I suggest you spend more time becoming friends with women before asking them out. Show them you're a nice guy. And, this could give you an opportunity to explain the divorce beforehand.

You should hold your head up high and carry yourself with confident swagger (btw--also sexy). You have a lot to bring to the table.  Divorce doesn't mean you're leftovers. Remember that.

(See Part 2)


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