Holy Crap! I'm a moron, or Why I'm getting arrested

No, that wasn't a typo, I wasn't trying to write Mormon. I am a M-O-R-O-N. There is an arrest warrant for me. How did this happen to such a nice girl? Well, first of all, I'm not that nice. Secondly, please refer to the second sentence above.

I got a parking ticket in March for the rental car. If you park in this town without a resident permit you get a ticket. I forgot to get the permit. It was a $50 ticket. I figured I should go to court and show them my lease so that I could get it dismissed. Because I am a resident and I parked in resident parking. So I called the number on the ticket. The woman I talked to about requesting a court date sounded incredulous, she said, "you didn't have a parking permit so you got a ticket." Then I said, "But I'm a resident and I parked in resident parking." And she said, "So you got a ticket." Then she sighed and got my information and said they would send me my court information in the mail. It came not long after. I was pleased with myself for uncharacteristically showing so much initiative and adult responsibility. Unfortunately, I stretched beyond my reach.

My court date was on Tuesday at 8 am. I'd lost all my confidence in my rightness and got scared about appearing before a judge and looking like a jerk. I didn't have anything to wear. It was too early and where was the court anyway? So I decided not to go. I figured they would just send me a bill for the ticket and maybe some extra court costs, that shouldn't be a big deal. EEEk!!!!! I just got a notice saying that I have an arrest warrant for contempt of court. It says I should present myself at the police station in order to post bail to save myself the embarrassment of an arrest. Frankly, I don't have money for a cab or bus fare, so if they want me they can come pick me up in the police car.

The bail is $80. I don't have $80. Which brings me to my second stupid mistake. A few weeks ago, they sent me a new debit card. It's gold and looks like a credit card. I didn't ask for it and I don't like it. For 4 years I had a blue debit card. Tuesday night I took a taxi to Marshalls so I could buy myself a new wardrobe. Again, I was pleased with myself for doing something responsible and necessary. Necessary because I have gained so much weight in the past year that I'm now 3 sizes bigger than I've been since I moved to New York. I threw out all my fat clothes when I moved to Jersey last spring. (Of course, as soon as I did that I started getting bigger.)

On Monday, a button popped off of my shirt on the subway. Not because it was old or cheap, but because the stress of my protruding flesh on the stitching was too great. I borrowed a safety pin from the receptionist at school to close my blouse before going in to lecture my classes. Very embarrassing. It made me feel really crummy wearing mal-fittling clothing. No one wants to look like a bum with pinned, taped and gerrymandered clothing, especially not in front of 30 bored students with nothing better to do than make fun of you. Thus, I needed to go shopping.

The shopping went well. At Marshalls I found a lot of clothes. Quite a haul. I paid $267 for 4 pairs of pants, 1 shorts, 1 skirt, 2 sweaters, 4 blouses, 1 pair of shoes and a bra. All of it designer and high quality stuff. Goody. Not. Today I checked my bank account to see if my tax refund had arrived (no) and had a very nasty surprise. I meant to buy the clothes with my credit card. But there was the charge to my checking account!!! I used my debit card by mistake. Holy freaking crap!!! This means my rent check is going to bounce and the bank will charge me $30. I just had $90 in overdraft fees charged two weeks ago. I hate my life. I am so sick of this.

After I learned that peice of bad news, I checked my mail and got the warrant bad news. I don't even know where the police station is. What is going to happen to me when I post bail? Will they take pictures of me and get my prints? Will I have to go back to court again? Where I'm sure they will just charge me more money I don't have. The life of a screw-up. I can't keep track of my money or apparently keep myself from getting arrested for parking a rental car on my own street. Crap. Does anyone know what will happen to me at the station? Am I the only moron in the world who blows off her traffic court date?

If you'd like to help me stay out of jail, you can contribute to:
JL's Bail Fund

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!