Last week I got an email that was very bold, compared to the usual "Hi," "Nice profile", "How YOU doing?" . . .you get the idea. The most common thing I've found is that guys send some obscure random question about my profile. (BTW, not effective, it may work as a pickup line in a public place but not on email.) So this guy sent me an actual letter complimenting my tastes and saying he was very interested, I looked like just his type. Intrigued, I checked out his profile. Whoa. My first instinct was, ok, there is something horribly wrong with this man. Why did I respond so cynically? Because he looked too good. He was Mormon, 33, very very tall, good-looking, had a successful career(according to him), and came across as charming--as opposed to the usual socially awkward bloke.
Now, two of any of the above characteristics are enough to make a man prime meat in the singles ward. I learned that the hard way by dating a very tall and very good looking man. That's when I ended up in the nasty quadrangle and gossipy envy. That man had no career, and turned out to be about as dumb as dirt. Yet, women were clawing each other's eyes out for him. As I said, in my experience, a Mormon man needs only two of these golden traits to draw the women like flies on.... And here was a single guy living in Salt Lake(!!!) still single and hitting on me shamelessly. Additionally, the man had about 30 women on his profile gushing over him and obviously in love with him.
If you are familiar with these pages, then you know what I am talking about. Comments such as the following, "He is the best guy I know. He won my heart because he is so hot and fun and cool." "Any woman would be so lucky to have this man." "As soon as I can sell my trailer and move to SLC, this man is mine so back off you B's...." Ok, I made those up. But that's what those comments are like. You can gauge a man's social skills by these swooning comments, the collected broken hearts he keeps on a string. I think most of the guys can't see them for what they are, but the ones with more than 2 of the veiled love letters have got to know and are obviously playa's.
So what was this dude's story? I thought I should find out. I spent an hour Friday night writing a long, thoughtful, descriptive letter telling him about myself. It was witty, it was open, I tried to show glimpses of my soul without being an exhibitionist. Quite a letter. Why bother? I went to all that trouble despite the flashing warning sign, "He's too good to be true!!" because I thought, "maybe". Maybe there really is a super terrific man out there who has just been looking for the right woman and he hasn't found her yet because that woman is me." Please gag me with a spoon. I didn't really believe that thought, but I had nothing better to do so I went with it anyway.
After pushing the send button, I got a reply right back. He said there was so much to say but he was so lazy could we IM? Fine, I wasn't doing anything. And there, the truth was revealed. I'm blown away by the irrationality and freakiness of what I found. Usually, I am the freaky one with the bizarre and paranoid reactions. Oh, no. Not this time. I have included excerpts of our exact IM conversation(thank you archives) because I couldn't reproduce this as well. The typos were his.
Things started out normally with greetings. He complimented my pictures. I told him I took them with a webcam I got from my ex-boyfriend....
BOY: still got that came?
BOY: flip that sucker on!
ME: Not now, I look bad
BOY (10:25:53 PM): please
B: we are beyond that
Me:no, I've had some bad experiences with a webcam and guys I just met
B: sounds like it's time ot get back on the horse
I explained to him about an experience I had one night when I was chatting with someone and went to the bathroom. When I returned I was greeted by the man and a view of his goodies, while he was enjoying his goodies if you get my drift. Personally, I think that is a good reason not to let someone you don't know show you his webcam. But despite that, I really just don't like using them, I find it weird and creepy to watch someone staring at their computer. But this guy would not let it go.
BOY:I can assure you I am decentThat last bit was an exaggeration, I wasn't traumatized but this guy would not let it go. The point was, I didn't want to see his webcam. If he was so decent, why was he so hot for me to look at him? Perhaps he knew that was the best he had to offer? His pretty face. Harumph. I don't like being pushed...
B: and sober
B: Can you see me?
ME: I haven't turned it on
B: why not?
B: take a look
B: see who you are talking to
ME: please, I was traumatized and I need to know you better first
BOY:so traumatized that you can;t take the risk of LOOKING at me?
B: I an PROMISE you I am not a pervert
B: try me
B: worse case scenerio - you see I am a perv, and you save all this chat
ME: worst case scenario I get another picture in my brain that I don't want...
B: a 30-year-old girl who si damaged
B: I've seen this movie before
Excuse me? I have damage because I don't want your face on my monitor because I don't know you?? That's what I should have said. So I'm the one with issues because I didn't do what you wanted me to?
ME: you don't get to be interesting without some scars I'm afraid
BOY: I guess so
B: I'll guess I'll just have ot try to gauge just how much atoning you'l make me do for teh sins of past guys in yoru life before I decide how good of frineds we shoudl be
BOY: what can I say... I've always been drawn to interesting girls
ME: look, I don't trust the online thing. It's nothing personal
B: a lack of trust usually isn't
B: I understand
B: As I've said, I've seen this movie before
B: it's no problem
What the...? Huh? Atoning for who, what? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME. I wouldn't let you watch me type, so that means I'm punishing you for what other men did to me? You're a head case--again, in hindsight that's what I should have said. And, aside from that lunacy, does any woman actually respond to that kind of thing? I was really mad at this point. But I kept chatting because I had nothing better to do and was curious to see what he would do next.
Despite his alleged 'understanding' he kept going on and on about how being online is not the best way to get to know someone but it's better if you can see each other, not hide behind a curtain...blah blah blah Whatever. He just wanted to know if I had gotten fat or put up fake pictures before he wasted chat time on me. I even asked him that and he said "Partly." Hmmm. I told him I would take a new picture and send it but then I couldn't get it to work, then surprise, he had to go out. He said he had fun and wanted to talk again, but yeah. I'm never going to hear from him again. Good riddance. I'm just sorry I wasted so much time writing him a letter.
Now my question to you, dear readers, is this: Am I over-reacting or was that a totally not normal response? I thought he was rude, manipulative, pushy, and . . . dare I say it, damaged?