The Sweet Single Life

As a follow up to my last post, I'd like to discuss the finer things of single life. I have it good. I have it easy. Some things suck rotten eggs. Some things don't.
Here's a happy list of non-sucking things in my life that presumably I will miss if I ever get married: (In no particular order)

1. I answer to no one. I do whatever I want whenever I want.
2. I stay up late and wake up late.
3. If I'm too depressed or tired to change my sheets, that's my problem and I don't have to do it.
4. Saturday mornings, (on the rare occasions I wake up) are for eating Lucky Charms or Count Chocula AND chocolate covered donuts while watching cartoons. My favorite is X-Men. Yu-Gi-Oh actually grew on me though I despised it at first. I've learned to appreciate it's wonderful badness.
5. I can travel at a moment's notice without inconveniencing anyone.
6. Body hair is my own private business and what I do or don't do with it is no one else's concern. [Someone told me that women looking for boyfriends don't share my attitude. I scoffed at this person since he had just been kissing me.]
7. No stress regarding other people. I only have my own problems to worry about.
8. No contention in my home life. [Sometimes the cats need a scolding but they rarely shout back.]
9. My money is my money.[or lack thereof, no guilt for making other people live on stale bagels, eggs and beans.]
10. The remote control is ALL mine, pity the man who ever tries to take it from me.
11. I don't have to listen to someone else's bad music.
12. If I skip church, low guilt factor, I'm not preventing other souls the inspiration or enlightenment that church should provide.
13. I can spend at will. If it happens to be the case that I need new shoes more than groceries and an unlimited metrocard, then that's what I get.
14. Complete unpredictability of my life. Anything can happen at anytime. I can't even say where I'll be in 6 months or what I'll be doing. I love that.
15. Time to devote to my friends. If one of them is in crisis, I can drop everything to rush to their aid or support without worrying about other responsibilities.
16. Sometimes when those 3 flights of stairs to the kitchen get too long after a day of running around the city, I can have a can of pringles for dinner instead of bothering with a real meal.
17. There's no one here that can be disappointed in me.
18. I can leave my clean clothes out for a week, putting away one class of item per day (Today it was underthings, tomorrow I may do socks or shirts.)
19. Total professional freedom. If I got a job in London then I could go to London.
20. There's no man here saying things like "Is it that time of the month?" just because he doesn't like what I'm doing or saying.
21. I don't have to do other people's laundry in addition to my own.
22. No one gets mad when I shove clothes into the drawer making them get all wrinkled.
23. Food experiments in tupperwear that got left out in my bedroom are allowed to blossom and grow of their own volition.
24. My family is the only family I have to deal with, no in laws or other such scary things.
25. Me and my students are the only people who get mad when I forget things.
26. No man pee on the bathroom floor or around the seat (except when some people have guests over but that's not often enough to be a problem.)
27. I don't get big callings at church, I can disappear into the walls if I so choose.
28. I can go to sleep with music on.
29. No sharing my closet.
30. Never having to wonder if I could have done better or if I made the worst mistake of my life or if this other person will ultimately betray me and destroy my life.
31. Maybe I snore and maybe I don't. But no one else is snoring in my bed.
32. I'm the only one losing my things.
33. If I hate my life then I can change everything tomorrow.
34. No kids/babies/mortgages/career sacrificing.
35. There's no end to the drama and excitement
36. My depression only hurts me.
37. No one complains if I spend the entire weekend in my pajamas eating pizza and watching tv or playing video games.

That's the end of this list for today. Some of these things also belong on the things that do suck list, but that's for another day.


Anonymous said...

I definitely don't want to rain on the parade- I think this list is wonderful- but first, why in the world would number 4 change? Wouldn't being married just mean you would need a larger quantity of the same food?
Second, who would complain about #37? I mean as long as it was not every single weekend and you let the guy win whatever video game you are playing every once in a while sounds like what most guys wish weekends with their wife were like.

Message from Mike

Anonymous said...

JL, you're list made me feel much better about my current single situation. Thanks! 

Message from Lizzy

Anonymous said...

Actually, some of the things on the list I still get to enjoy as a married woman. But I'll post that on my own turf.  

Message from Sister T

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing! I share many of those same thoughts. Just yesterday as I helped a newly married (2nd time around for both) friend deal with the new hubby's ex popping back into his life after 4 years gone..... I realized how good it was to be single and I am no way ready for marriage. Dating? I don't think I am ready for that either! My daughter thinks I should.... 

Message from Lynn

Anonymous said...

You said it. I, too, sit here looking for a partner while on the other hand I long to continue the blissful single lifestyle you've just outlined.

I'd say more, but I have to go finish the bag of Doritos I bought for lunch. 

Message from ASexy Mama

Anonymous said...

You may be right. Probably depends on the kind of man and marriage.
Though as one's metabolism slows with age and if one actually has someone looking at her body, she would probably lay off the donuts. I guess with #37 and some of the others, I imagine married life to be like life with my parents. Someone who wants me to be perfect but is forever disapproving of me. Huh, no wonder I'm single. 

Message from JL

Anonymous said...

I got a kick out of your list. Its important to maintain a realistic attitude when youre single, and not let everything slide negative. I am 36 and my wife is 26 and we only just got married last June. Before we met we both were bitter and to the point where we were giving up hope on ever getting married. We are a good match and we are happily married, but its not all peaches and cream. We have both lost our autonomy, we have to share and play nice together when we would rather be selfish sometimes, and dealing with the in-laws is a something we fight about. Yes, there are some nice perks to being married, but there are also a lot of things that are just not easy to deal with. Being married is difficult in a lot of ways, just as being single is difficult in a lot of ways, just different ways. Keep the faith, persevere, stay out of trouble, and ignore all of the mormon nonsense you'll get.  

Message from Some Dude

Anonymous said...

mmmmmmmm Doritos....

Have you tried the new guacamole flavored ones? Yummy. 

Message from JL

Anonymous said...

Great list, JL. There are indeed lots of terrific advantages to being single, so if you're single anyway you might as well acknowledge and enjoy them.

(On balance, I prefer being married, but I recognize there are definite advantages to being single.) 

Message from Kevin Barney

Anonymous said...

I've been waiting for the right place to confess my love for Yu-Gi-Oh!, and here it is. Yep, it's AWFUL, but it is sooo much fun, so over the top. Gotta love Kaiba.

JL, where ya been, girl? No answers to my emails? 

Message from Steve Evans

Anonymous said...

none of my boyfriends have ever complained when I lay off shaving for a while. of course, I date freaks who do things like shave their chest and legs just to see what it would feel like and then get annoyed when they're spiky for the next couple weeks.  

Message from Jill

Anonymous said...

Love ur list. Especially about the closet space, freedom to decide on your own and the hair thing - lol. But since I'm living in a 3rd world country, I got responsibilities despite of my being single. So I can't have #9. Maybe it's a culture thing. But still, singles rock! 

Message from ilongga70

Anonymous said...

Hairy legs on girls is sexy. Ah yeah. and Laying around in jammies all weekend long is super sexy.  

Message from Jack G

Anonymous said...

Seems to me that #20 would be good justification for #30. 

Message from EastCoastEddie

Anonymous said...

I never said I have hairy legs. I simply said I enjoy having the option of not removing body hair without offending anyone else. Though I really hate being prickly so I much prefer a little fluff to spikes. 

Message from JL

Anonymous said...

I don't reply to email anymore because I trust in the heart of the cards. And with my friends behind me I will always win!

What I don't get is Yu-Gi's thing with the Dark Magician. He's not that cool yet it's his default card.  

Message from JL

Anonymous said...

With 26 I would like to add, no man-hairs in the sink. Hate those man-hairs.  

Message from Lisa

Anonymous said...

10. The remote control is ALL mine, pity the man who ever tries to take it from me. 

Oh yeah!
I just bought my first DVD player and had a friend and her boyfriend over to watch a movie. This was the first use of said DVD player so I was struggling with the functions at which point Friend's boyfriend said, "give it here, I'll do it."

I looked at him like he was from outer space and had three eyes! Are you kidding? It’s MY remote. How will I figure it out if you take over? I’m perfectly capable of figuring this out. And hey, it’s MY remote!

Posted by trs

Anonymous said...

When I was about 20, I had a conversation with a male cousin about why women are expected to shave the hair that naturally grows on thier bodies, but guys arent. We got into quite an argument (hes an idiot) and I remember saying something to the effect of "If I ever get married, it will be to a guy who could care less if I shave my legs....EVER!" Well, 10 years later, I found that guy. And at 30 years old, I married him. And we play on our XBox every weekend... 

Posted by Laureatea

Anonymous said...

That's awesome Lauratea.  

Posted by JL

Anonymous said...

This link attracted me because of the connection to being single and chaste. I thought I would find something new and worth reading. I am disappointed. This is all the worldy stuff, disappointment, lack of commitment, male/female angst, come on this can be found anywhere.

Give me something I am hungering for. Tell me the truth about what gets you through each day. What gives you hope and what connects you to your commitments. This site could be so much better and actually give something to those who are hungering for eyes to see.

As an example, after I read your postings I went to the scriptures I am reading today: 3 Nephi 10. It never ceases to amaze me how God has prepared a little gift for me every day if I will turn to the scriptures. Verses six and seven brought me new insight into the woe is me that I found on this website: He is talking to the members fo the church that he has spared, those that claim to be active and living the gospel. Sounds like you, right? He calles them to repent, and turn to him with full purpose of heart and then he tells them what will happen to them if they do not come unto him: "the places of your dwellings shall become desolate." The dictionary defines desolate as 1)lonely; solitary 4)forlorn. Sounds like you right?

I am also a single, chaste woman, by choice and not without opportunity--as recently as yesterday. I have found my home ward a place where I can feel a part of something, where I can belong. The church offers me programs as a single person that other single people do not have.

Don't waste your time entertaining us with complaining, no one wants to hear it. Tell us about your hope, the thing that gets you through each day. Share your inspiration and belief. That is what single people need.

Being single doesn't set you apart in the church, President Hinckley is single and so are two of the apostles. There are prophets in the Book of Mormon that were single. Examine the life of the prophet Nephi that was translated, he was visited every day by angels that comforted him when he was in such despair about the wickedness of the members of the church. I know that God has a desire to comfort and bless each of us every day. All we have to do is turn to him. We have the responsibility to remind one another of this reality.

Posted by secretingredient

Anonymous said...

First off --- there are a LOT of people who do want to read the eloquently written adventures of mormon urbandating you call "complaining." Just look at all the fans she has.
Secondly, I think you fail to see the humor/sarcasm in JL's writing. Is it 'worldly' to discuss the environment in which one lives, thrives and struggles to keep the gospel principals?
President Hinckley is NOT single. He is a widow. BIG difference -- he may not have a companion with him at this time on earth, but he IS sealed and will be re-united with her when he moves on to the next chapter. If he was 'single' he would not be in the position of heading the church here on earth at this time...one must be sealed in order to be a prophet of God.
I beg to differ about singles being set apart in the church...it is the ananomaly called the 'singles ward' - because we don't fit in with the family wards. Everyone tried to set-up the few singles that may attend a family ward, and it's always awkaward when placing them in callings.If we DID fit in with the family wards, then there would be non need for the singles ward (whcih, in itself, it a heneious institution...a meat market, a cattle call for those left companionless in the LDS companion-driven

Please, if you are so disappointed in this blog - DON'T READ IT!

and I could go on.... 

Posted by give me a break

Anonymous said...

Actually, if you find the right person, he shouldn't care about many of the items on the list.

I am far from being a perfect husband, though I try to let my wife have as much personal space and freedom as she feels she needs to have.

1. My wife is the boss- I accept that. :-)
2- She sleeps late, I get up and play with our son.
3- You change your sheets?!?!?!? :-)
4- Fruit Loops baby!
5- My wife is NOT a home body- have car will travel
6- She hates to not shave her legs. I could care less either way.

Anyhow, don't worry about the list so much as finding a man who doesn't mind that you have a list.


Posted by Brian Duffin

Anonymous said...

I am married and since last 5 years I am having difficulty understanding the value of it. Here is what sucks about being married:

1. Compromises: When I want to go out, he wants to sit in. You named it freedome to live , work, travel anytime, anywhere is gone. And everything now revolves around the ability to compromise. He likes Dark Colors in bedroom , you like pastels, - compromise neutralize - compromises in marriage will neutralize the soul in you.

2. Conflicts: Compromises breed conflicts. Conflicts of interest. conflicts of changing values, conflicts in financial decisions, conflicts in rasing kids. Because if you dont have conflicts you both have compromised to a point where you cant even identify yourself anymore.

3. Guilt: Complains are rampant in married life, un met expectations, un defined expectations, you name it and most married people will find enough reasons to complain about theier spouse, and yet at the same time feel guilty or make the other person feel guilty for thier situation.

4. Jealosy: You know what you are doing in your life , you look good, you love your job, you are making career , he/she will be jealous. And all that is just nagative energy floating around you. Do you need that?
5. Psychological Baggage: Every one has it. It is tough enough to sort the menatl clutter in your life now you have to deal with one more , and this time you dont even know where it is coming from and what it is?

6. Raising Kids: Believe me he will be jealous of your bonding with kids. he suddenly does not like that he has to complete for attention with kids. Yet you will be the mom taking care and raising them. Even though man claim to participate tactically it is a womans job. And now that we are on this subject Why have kids? Becuase once you have them you better stay married as separating father and kids produced more adults with complex psycological baggage, that go on to marry and exponentially increasing "issue ridden" human population

7. Spending Money: You may make same or even more than your spouse , but he still worried about why you spend 10 on manicure.

8. Investing Money: His/Her goals are more important. His comfort level may not be same as you, risk tolerance may not be same as you, you might have better insights in investment but he/she wants more safer cashflow situation even though it trickles and not rains.

10. My Personal relationships: Upon saying i do your partner suddenly expects to become more important than friends and family you have known all your life. He/She is now going to butt in all decisions you have to make. Her/His suggestions are more important than your mom/dad/bro/sister by LAW.Heck he can even remove your life support while living with another woman.

When I need to see my parents , his parents need more care. When I talk to my sister on phone, he feels jealous why we have such a great relationship. 

Left by Anonymous

Anonymous said...

I've been single a long time and it is just sad. Yes, I experience much of what you wrote on your list but big whoop, doesn't it get old? Yet the married people are right too: I lived with someone without getting "involved" for several years (like a sexless marriage) and there were all the same problems-- boredom, jealousy, needing my space, feeling misunderstood. I think it's really love, passion, great sex, lifelong friendship or nothing. Right now I have nothing, and I'm OK with it.
One other thing, I don't mean to be a bitch, but even we single people should clean up after ourselves and maintain basic hygeine. There's no reason for the single life to be degrading! 

Left by cathy