2.12.2005

Mad World

All around me are familiar faces...Worn out faces...

Going nowhere, Going nowhere...
Four different men have asked me out in the last two days. I have two voicemails, an email and the pizza guy, not one is even remotely interesting. One actually said, "One bad date on a sweltering day when I said some thoughtless things and did some thoughtless things is not a good reason not to go out again." Oh yeah? On what planet is that not a good reason? When it's only the second date and I can't wait to get away from you, that's reason enough never to see you again.

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
On my way home this evening, after we said goodbye, a woman stopped me on 34th Street. "Excuse me. Hello?" I stopped and looked at her quizzically. She apologized for stopping me. Then she said, "I'm a psychic and I can see something in your aura." I said 'What'? She said, "I see something. . ." Then she rushed out the words 'You have a lot of positive changes coming in your life', like it was the obligatory psychic handshake before she could get to the real stuff. "But right now you have something on your mind. You are confused about love." I laughed out loud.

I find it hard to tell you, 'Cos I find it hard to take
She asked me if I'd ever had a reading before. I told her I had not and that I didn't have any money. She said, "Oh, no. I'm just talking to you. Normally, you'd be coming to Astoria to see me. I wish I had one of my cards on me but I don't." I said, "Oh." Then she started walking away and said, "Maybe I'll see you again." And that was it. She was dressed in nice clothes with a Burberry scarf and just looked like a New York woman going out at night.

No one knew me...

Look right through me, look right through me

Valentine's Day is stupid. I don't care about it, I don't expect anything from anyone and I don't want anything from anyone. But even so, it's cruel. It took me an hour to get home on the train tonight and I was surrounded by lovers. And lots of people holding presents, pink bags, flowers, women dressed up with glowing faces. College kids standing at the pole kissing. The teen punks next to me discussing what the boy was going to get for the girl. She wants new black nail polish. It was almost a relief to have the beggar who fakes that he's deaf come into the car. He was followed by Mr.I have HIV I'm hungry anything you can spare but I've got on my RocaWear gear.

Children waiting for the day they feel good...
I wanted to rent a bunch of slasher pics for the weekend. BUT THERE IS NO VIDEO STORE IN MY HOOD--except the damn Kung fu porn place. On my way home, I stopped in the midtown Duane Reade to check out their new dvd rental vending machines, but you have to return the disks in 6 hours. I wasn't trekking back from Brooklyn just for some bad horror movies. If I had remembered, I could have gone by Central Park last night to see The Gates. That would have been cool to see at night, and a nice dessert to top off my deli dinner quiche. But I didn't think to do that.

Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
My old cat is losing weight so I'm worried now that she might be sick. She's always been obese but the last month she's slimmed way down and become weirdly affectionate. She can't be sick. I can't deal with losing her right now. 9 years she's been my comfort. Take away everything else--but please, please leave her with me.

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.

Quotes from Tears for Fears "Mad World"

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Test
 

Posted by JL

Anonymous said...

I think I  will have the worst Valetine's day. I will just forget about it as they say in NY. I don't like scary movies, they freak me out. I saw Shark Tale last week and I give it two thumbs down. I might need to revisit that movie because maybe I wasn't paying close attention. The story was kind of predictable. I give 'Sky Captain' 4 roses and no stinkweeds because it had a good story and good actors in my opinion.  

Posted by Anonymous

Anonymous said...

I'm avoiding TV today because of all the love crap. I'm avoiding eating out because of couples holding hands. I'm gonna lock myself in my room with a good book and my computer. Thank God I don't have a boyfriend. I've got no money to buy him anything hehehe. I'm sour graping. It IS a very very mad world. :D 

Posted by ilongga70

Anonymous said...

I say go for the Kung Fo Porn. At least it would get your mind off the cat.  

Posted by Lisa

Anonymous said...

2 questions, First, what is Kung Fu Porn?? I have some bizarre images in my head, haha. do you mean a type of asian porn? anime porn? Just Kung Fu so bad it's "porn"? second, what are The Gates? I'm sure I must see them when I finally someday go to New York. I hope they get the hormones fixed up, they can certainly make you miserable! Do you think they are putting out some kind of screwed up pheromones with all the male attention you've gotten lately, even the pizza man hehe You ned to order your videos over the internet, you know, they come in the mail and you mail them back to return. I thought about all your blogs this past so many months that Ive been reading and once again... you must write a book! take care, hanna 

Posted by Hanna Tycc

Anonymous said...

Oh right, I think I mentioned the Kung Fu porn somewhere on here, maybe in the comments. There is one video store in my neighborhood, it's next to the 'prime meat' shop. They exclusively rent Kung Fun movies according to their signage but at the back of the store, behind the plastic hanging beads they have porn movies to rent too.

(Maybe when I'm supposed to be writing my dissertation I'll put together the 'Celibate Diaries' and try to shop it around.  

Posted by JL

Anonymous said...

Sorry for not explaining The Gates. It's been allover everything here, we tend to forget that the rest of the world doesn't care about New York as much as New York does. The artists Christo and Jean Claude have installed a new work in Central Park that will be up for 2 weeks. It's a series of gates with Saffron cloth covering 23 miles of trails in the park. They've been trying to get permission to do it for 20 years of something. Kind of exciting. 

Posted by JL:

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Thanks

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