The Absurdity! I just read a new comment to my Introduction post. Here's the comment:
If I were a guy (which i am) I wouldn't date you because you would write about our relationship on your blog. That's creepy. Lose the blog. Go to counselling.
Message from Anonymous
Fair enough. My reply:
Bite me. I've been in therapy my whole life. You see where that's taken me. Your counseling comment aside, thank you. It was good for me to hear and I'm sure you are not alone in that sentiment. It's probably the majority view. I appreciate that you took the time to type it because I needed to resolve my thoughts on the question of this blog's being.
FOR THE RECORD: IF I HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN A GOOD MAN OR THE BLOG, THE BLOG LOSES. As much fun as it's been, it doesn't keep me warm at night--among the other things it doesn't do. The tricky part is finding out if the man is worthy of ditching the blog.
Below I've written some Existentialist* justifications for my blog, in order to show that it is not creepy but an expression of my Dasein. * See the apology above for my misappropriations
In the beginning. . . Finding Purpose in Angst
1. My intention with CitC was to write stories of past dating debacles as a way to cleanse my palate of them. By purging the tales I hoped to effectively reduce my potential for bitterness.
2. This blog has provided many more hours of entertainment and satisfaction and thus fulfillment of self than most men I've dated.
3. When I began blogging I was in the throes of despair caused by the rejection of my being, yet again. I retreated into a shell of isolation as I tried to reconstruct myself. I thought I'd never date again. So I realized that there was No Future (for us! da na na nuh na!) to endanger with my present blogging.
The 'Thrown-ness' of Blog-Being and inevitable change
1. Even in exile, more life kept happening. I couldn't stop it--in spite of my Sysiphian efforts! Since moving to NYC there has constantly been some man sniffing around.
2. Because the beginnings of courtship are the most entertaining phase they make good reading. Until I am in a relationship with someone I don't owe them special loyalty (I don't even use their real names.) I feel no remorse for using the material because these romantic skirmishes are un-owned. No structure binds us to them or to each other.
3. It is a futile exercise for thin-skinned men to pursue me anyway. My caustic humor drives them away. The strong men who survive that shouldn't get scared off by anonymous internet exposure.
The contextual import of dating: Finding significance in the Other
1. Is this really so different from telling your girlfriends about your dates? I don't think so. Should I arbitrarily alienate the Stranger from this conversation? I see no reason to value my unknown blog readers less than my friends.
2. The woman 'Sex and the City' is based on wrote a newspaper column about her sex life and then she metamorphosed into a millionaire. Is that creepy? Maybe, but compared to that, my little non-profit celibate blog is an insignificant gnat.
3. Is it the content or the technology that induces more anxiety? This is how women talk about men. They discuss ALL the details of their dates then analyze them. The content is real. Or is it that the technology de-humanizes the most human of experiences and behaviors? And thereby undermines our identity as real beings? This probably disturbs the people who use words like 'creepy' to describe their anxiety over my blog.
4. Because I find myself separated by long distances from my girlfriends (Even NJ is long distance from NYC) blogging makes conversation more efficient. They can read my story in time, then call me to discuss it.
The Embeddedness: For Authenticity I face the communal whole
1. I enjoy the public discourse and attention. I've learned a lot from CitC threads, I think other people have too. In this way, I contribute to the whole of which I am a part.
2. I accept and embrace my nature as a blog whore who needs to increase traffic. Give me a break, a girl's gotta do something. My only vice is drinking caffeinated Diet Coke!! And now, I expose myself on the internet.
3. The blog is an excellent tool ready-at-hand for developing my writing skills. The public frame in which I place it forces me to take more care with the craft. I spend hours on each post fine-tuning each word. Then I get immediate reactions from readers that show me which language use works and which doesn't.
4. When I inevitably find myself unemployed upon graduation, I will need a new career or I will be left with No Exit. Writing seems a sensible second choice for one thrown into that circumstance.