No, really. It's ridiculous. I swear men can smell each other on a woman. As soon as they catch the scent of another man on you they are suddenly attracted. Or They're more attracted. I just got asked out. Of course he waits until now because I'm seeing someone. And of course, that is too new to know what it is or where it's going. But I couldn't just say, 'No thank you I have a boyfriend,' because I don't. That--and I'm a terrible flirt when I'm not trying.
I have lived here since August. It is now practically January. How many months was I alone and miserable? I met him even before I moved in, the day I came with the rent check and to pick up my keys. He lives in the first floor apartment that's separate from the rest of the house. He let me in that day because Lucy didn't hear the doorbell. He flirts with me everytime we run into each other. Which is maybe a couple times a month. Then I found out in November that he grew up in my old neighborhood, where I went to college. We even know some of the same people. His father is friends with the woman who taught my cello lessons. One goth girl who was part of the crew I went clubbing with, ages and ages ago, was in his high school class.
Why did he just ask me out now? Several factors played into the timing. Though he did surprise me with it tonight. Lucy wanted to play scrabble two or three weeks ago (I can't remember) so she recruited me and the Basement Boy. There were four of us. We were friendly. Basement Boy and I got kind of chatty, comparing notes about places we used to hang out and people we knew. So, I guess that's when we crossed the acquaintance "Hi, how you doing?" threshold, which we were kind of stuck on before. Ahhhhhccckk. Stupid men! I hate you all.
Ok, but he was always chatty when we did the 'hi, how you doing,' and he was always inquisitive about me. And I was always flirty because he is cute and was chatty and inquisitive about me. Except the night he was hanging out with Alex in the kitchen. It was around midnight and I went downstairs to get a drink of ice water. I had on my little sleeping tank top and was bra-less. I'm not someone who can go in public without a bra. And it's chilly in the house at night. But I didn't think the public was in my kitchen at midnight. Alex lives in the house so he doesn't count. They were talking and dragged me into the conversation but I was just embarrassed by my Jennifer Aniston problem. I tried to use my arms as strategically as possible and get out of the kitchen without being rude. But it took awhile to extract myself. So I'm sure I was rude and that probably put him off. That was in September. Then in October I crashed emotionally and was miserable until about the end of November. That had to have made me unattractive.
This is kind of my fault because I heard him doing stuff on the stairs in our hall that lead down to his apt. And I stuck my head down and asked what he was doing and we started up a conversation. Mostly he started up the conversation by asking me about work, if I'd got my grading done. The whole house--including the basement--heard me moaning about it. Then he asked me what I was doing for New Years? Yikes. Um, nothing yet. What about him? He is doing the weekly bike protest and then going to a party in Park Slope. He has friends from college coming to town, he's so excited. blah blah. I thought he might ask me to go with him since I said I hadn't gotten around to making plans yet. But he didn't ask. Probably because I panicked and pulled my head out of the stairwell before he could. But then I peeked down at him again and we kept talking. I figured I should probably let him continue installing the light in the stairwell and he made me nervous after the New Year's question so I started taking my leave with a "See you later" and that's when he said it.
"You know, you should come down sometime. Anytime if you want to have dinner or something." And what did I say? After the moment of comprehension dawned, I said, "oh? Yeah?" And he said, "Yeah. It's not that hard you know." I smiled, said "Ok" and "See ya later." Then I ran upstairs to my cave of a bedroom. Now I'm hiding up here and I'll probably never go downstairs again.
Here's my theory why this ALWAYS happens:
1. Lonely people often look sad and that is unattractive so they don't get asked out. People who are with someone tend not to be so lonely and not look so sad and that makes them more attractive.
2. Pheromones. Men can smell each other. I'm not sure if it's that romantic activity sets off female estrus pheromones or if they literally can smell the pheromones of another man. I don't have any man scent on me today so it must be estrus smell in this case.
3. The freshly sexed glow. You all know what I'm talking about. Doesn't it just make women look all happy and sexy and shiny and men are drawn to that like flies to. . . never mind.
4. Competition. I think something happens psychologically when one man finds out another man is into a woman. Unless they're friends. But maybe the man never noticed the woman before. And then he sees her with another man or hears a man talking about her and suddenly his interest may be piqued. He wants to know why this other man is attracted to her, because there must be something right? Then he may notice the attractive things about her and suddenly find himself interested too.
So that's why I think women get asked out more frequently when they already have a man around. In my case I chalk it up to one and two. Care to share your opinions on the general matter? Have stories of your own? Am I wrong? Did I miss anything?