Tonight's Top Ten: Signs that you've given up on your lovelife

10. You don't bother making the obligatory scope-out visit to the singles ward in your parent's city. (It's a spanish speaking branch anyway.)

9. You have no interest whatsoever in your sibling's single friends. You don't even try to flirt with them when they call on the phone.

8. Parts of your body that used to look fine now jiggle. And you don't care.

7. Because it is so darn hot here, you actually wear tanktops and capsleeve shirts outside the house. Despite your knowledge that your forearms are so unattractive they turn off any man who isn't blind.

6. Rather than preparing to make yourself cute before going to the beach, you try to get used to the fact that no one will see you as a babe-- to prevent disappointment when all the men ignore you. (This is South Beach we're talking about, only supermodels and latinas with perfect bodies turn heads. The rest of us look like toads.)

5. On Friday night, for fun, you go to the store to return the shoes you bought that morning and exchange them for the shoes you bought last week but returned two days ago.

4. While making that trip to the store, you wear black knit stretchy pants covered in white cat fur.

3. Then you rush home from the store so you don't miss the beginning of the movie your brother checked out from the library.

2. Afterwards, you're grateful when you're newlywed sister calls to tell you about her burgeoning sexlife because it breaks up your monotonous evening.

1. You're actually shameless enough to call your ex-boyfriend at 10 pm Friday night (letting him know you have no life) AND then leave him a message!! (confirming you have no life and the call wasn't an accident).

1A. In the message you say: "I hope you're out doing groovy single guy stuff."

AND the real #1 sign that you've given up on your lovelife:
You actually meant it.