Poll Results: The Date Should have Ended When He

When he. . . .:
1. Promised to take me dancing but showed me a DVD in his apartment. (For obvious reasons, he wanted to make-out and then some.)
2. Told me he couldn't stop staring at the slutty girl's breasts. (Wasn't that nice, and so honest of him?)
3. Told me off because I forgot he had to feed his sick cat at 8pm. (Actually, all I did was ask if we could see an earlier movie than the 10 pm, that's when he went off.)
4. Took me to a Bruce Springsteen concert.

The votes are in, #2 won with a whopping 3 votes! We had one vote for #4.

These things really happened to me, with four different men. That's important in order to raise the sympathy factor for me. 4 different men. If it was all done by the same person, I'd be the idiot for continuing to see him.

You chose #2 but the correct answer is:..... #4. I know, not obvious. Let me explain.

The only actual date that ended was #3. We were making plans via email. He sent me a nasty paragraph-long response to my request that we make our date earlier. He said that he 'was sorry, but his cat came first. I should have known that he had to feed his cat at 8 pm and 10 was the only time could go. He thought I understood that.' I replied that of course I understood, but I was no longer in the mood for a movie.

#1, the guy was a sleaze. I should have gone home when he told me it was too late to go dancing. Are you kidding me? It's NYC. It was only 11 on a Friday night. That's when the dancing starts.

#2 happened while I was in Scotland for 5 days with my long distance fling. It was only day 3, so I couldn't end it. And I couldn't go home. I really wasn't very bothered by his dumb remark. We were on our way back from Glasgow after a long day. I already knew he was unmannered and immature so I overlooked it. But, still, it was not cute. And I should have paid more attention given what happened later.

#4. This was the best guy. He actually was nice, respectful, and a real gentleman. I had agreed, reluctantly, to go. That was my mistake, not his. I had no idea what I was in for. I never liked Springsteen much, but his music never offended me and I never thought it was awful, some of the songs were catchy and cute. And it was a favor to the guy who had to go with his boss-- to see the boss, ha ha.

The problem was, I had to sit through 3 hours of Springsteen in Madison Square Garden. His music is not annoying until after the first 30 minutes. Then you realize that it all sounds exactly the same: jangling bells, horns and organ, and his shouting, it never ends It began to get very grating. Then, there was the hour long set when he played his entire new album, the artsy jazzish one. It was one of the longest hours of my life. Horrible and painful. Imagine Springsteen slow and moody. At one point, a tuba player came out on stage. There was also an accordion. Then, there was an accordion AND a tuba playing at the same time!! F or the love of all things holy, there should never be a tuba player at a rock concert, nor should there ever be an accordion! The hideous conjunction of the two wrongs made me feel like I had gone to hell. The music was supposed to be dark and deep. It was. In the worst way.

Then there was the crowd: Beer-swilling, middle-aged, wealthy New Jerseyians (tickets cost upwards of 1k for good seats). Beer got spilled on me multiple times. During the concert, we both got so bored, we texted each other throughout. The only highlight of the night was that Elvis Costello came out for an encore and sang with Bruce. And Bruce obviously did not like to share the stage with another star. The two of them competed for the center stage spotlight until Elvis gave up. That was amusing. And I enjoyed seeing the juxtaposition of their clothing. Bruce with his jeans, T-shirt and sneakers; Elvis with his Italian leather shoes and dark Armani ensemble. (How I adore British men). Other than that, I wished I had stayed home. The guy agreed when I told him he owed me big time. But I never went out with him again. (I would have, he was a good guy, but things were getting serious with someone else so it was time to end it with him anyway.)

So that's why the date should have ended before it even began.


Notes From The Glass Ceiling said...


I have followed your blog for a few years, and I think you are the best Mormon writer around, and one of the best beyond that.

I share your love for Moz and the Smiths, and I think I basically share your world view. In other words, I really like you, and the things you say.

Sorry that I have to include this in the accolades (sp?), but the Springsteen debacle leaves me hollow.

I mean, the guy who took you was trying to be a good date. And with many a woman out there, he would have been more than a good date to have facilitated a night with Bruce.

What it sounds like is that because you didn't like Bruce and didn't like your date, so you told him he owed you something, and you never gave him another chance. How would you feel, JL, if you took a guy that you really liked to Moz, and he gave you the same treatment? Maybe you just weren't that into him, or the musician, but, (if I may say) that behavior is far below the JL I think I know.

If it really was just that you were just not that into him, own it. Don't criminalize the guy for liking you enough to get you an expensive ticket that you just couldn't appreciate.

I realize that the whole thing is over a month old, but I just wanted you to know that you are better than this, I think.

For the record, I am not crazy about Bruce either, and your description of the evening sounds wretched. I feel your pain, actually.



JL said...

Hi Jess,

Is this Jess from Colorado?

Actually, what happened was that things started getting serious with Impossible boy. I was seeing two other men but when I was with them, I was just wishing I was with impossible. So, it didn't seem far to the sweet guy to keep seeing him. He was into heavy metal, so he hated the concert too.

Thanks for the note, I appreciate it. Maybe I'll add a line to the springsteen post so I don't look like such a b****

Notes From The Glass Ceiling said...

Yeah, its me. But i feel like a jerk for the last post. You don't have to do anything to your original piece. But I just need to be less preachy to people. I mean, it was where you were at at the time, right?

I'm sorry. It just kinda hit home at the moment. In any case, I hope you have better luck in the relationship scene. Dating seems to get harder in the Mormon world as time goes by. Your words are validating, valid. I wish you lived out west so I could meet you easier. You sound like you would make a fun friend. I would love to have a Moz buddy. Someone who understands my obsession. I was speaking with a friend of mine about the Smiths the other day and told her that their music speaks for the contemporary sociatal experience of growth and change, whether they realize it or not. Maybe that is saying too much, who knows. NPR had a thing not long ago that talked about a book called "Please, Please, Please." It contains several personal essays about what certain Smiths songs have meant to certain people, and how these songs were autobiographical to particular moments in their lives. I plan on picking it up soon.



Notes From The Glass Ceiling said...

Actually it's called "Please", by Peter Wild.

JL said...

Welcome back Jess! I'm glad you're still around. Thanks for the reference, I'll have to look it up.

Have you read Saint Morrissey? Good stuff.

Don't worry about your comment. I made it sound like I didn't go out with the guy again because I didn't like Springsteen, which isn't fair. And, isn't totally what happened. I added a line to explain. So, I appreciate the heads up.

You're right on about the Smiths, did your friend respond well to your explanation? Yeah, we should hang. This country is too large.

Notes From The Glass Ceiling said...


My friend agreed, but I am not sure she was listening. We were in the middle of driving down the highway blasting the Beatles, I think. Later, at my place, we discussed what tatoo she should put on her leg. We both thought that a picture of one of the Smiths albums would be interesting. She agreed, and decided that the cover of The Queen is Dead would be best. I'll be impressed if the actually does it.

We both thought that if she does do it, she should leave off the title and band name. Smiths fans would instantly recognize it, and others who didn't know would have to ask about it. That way she could give them her Smiths sales-pitch.

The thing about a tatoo like that is that it better be exact, or it would just look bad. I have seen a few tatoo artists who could get it right. Not cheap, I'm sure.

I'm not a big tatoo fan, but occasionally I see something that looks good. I think that any Smiths art would be interesting.


JL said...

Sounds like a fun day with a fun chick. Why aren't you hooking up with her? (Totally none of my besswax).

I can't get a tattoo because I have commitment issues. There is nothing that I wouldn't get tired of looking at on my body. And then it became so trendy in college. I was sitting in the dining hall with a group of sorority-type girls. And one of them said, "raise your hand if you have a tattoo." Everyone raised their hands except for me. I felt quite pleased with myself for being different. :-)

Notes From The Glass Ceiling said...

I just read your last one here. Someday you may read it. :)

If I got a tatoo, I would get one of Dylan's face, or...I would problably do the same thing my friend was talking about with a Smiths album. Which one? Louder Than Bombs. (I know that it's a greatest hits, but it's the one that got me into them, and it is a cool cover.) I would probably try to get the same orange, but if not, I would go for the classic dark blue/black.

My friend is great, and our little band sounds very good, indeed. However, she has a boyfriend, and her and I have already been through that movie. Also, she is hopelessly heathen, more or less. But she makes a great friend.