He did not say "no". He said "yes". He would like to see me.
The time for my grand gesture is NOW. I'm going to cancel classes and drive 1000 miles to see him. Soon. When I can get away, I'm hoping in 2 weekends. We will see if we still have chemistry. If he still makes me flutter. If his sad round sky-blue eyes will welcome me in.
And, we will see:
Why he came looking for me after the divorce? Why he calls me when he is getting serious with a new girlfriend? Why he is so interested in my future plans? Does he mean to send these signals? Or, is he just being friendly?
Because we are way beyond the time for games:
I will lay my heart all out for him. I will explain that there was no one better, I've never known a more beautiful man. That I am interested in trying again. He has but to say the word and I'll drop everything and go home to Georgia. To be with him. Or, that I can wait for as long as it takes. Because we both have a lot of work to do. [EEK! How did I become this woman--one who would do something like that!]
I can write this now and mean it absolutely. Now. But in two weeks, there is no telling what I'll do, how I will feel, nor the state of my psyche (e.g. if it's a fetal position stay in bed kind of weekend, then I may never go). . . All I can do is take my pills and pray. The rest is in God's hands.