Spring Fever

This is not OK. I cannot work for these people. It is not OK for your long distance supervisor to put you on probation and then ask 'What are your feelings about this?' EXCUSE ME?! WHAT DO YOU THINK MY FEELINGS ARE??? You just told me my performance is unacceptable! I knew I couldn't say what I wanted to: "It's none of your damn business about my feelings'. So I tried to think of the answer she wanted to hear..... nothing came to mind. Then I repeated the question, "What are my feelings?" "Yes." I still couldn't figure it out, so I just said, "I feel bad." Please Lord, get me out of this company. Send me to a new boss who will never ask me my feelings, who knows it is inappropriate, and that's what we pay therapists for!

Had she seen me, she'd have seen the tears. There is nothing like failing at a job you are over-qualified for to make one feel bad. This job is too emotionally damaging. These people are worker-bees who thrive on being over-directed and who enjoy the cumbersome behemoth bureaucracy because it creates more work for them. Does it make them feel needed? All I know, they like complaining about the work-load and the minute you suggest ways to alleviate it they shut up and walk away. Martyr, much? The pointless work makes me want to impale myself in the trachea with my pen. Unlike everyone else here, I will not sell my soul to this company, I will not work extra hours for free, and I will not do what my superiors tell me to do if it's stupid. (This seems to piss them off.)

The irony of it all is this: On Monday night, I gave the final exam to my undergrads. At the end, one girl nervously handed me an envelope. She said, 'This is from the class.' It was a thank you card! Half the students signed it--with notes like 'this class was a joy', and 'you are the best prof I've ever had.' Come on! That almost made me start blubbering right there. And then, the next morning I went to work and found a meeting invite from my supervisor, subject: "work standards". SIGH. I got to hear about all the complaints-- how I can't meet my sales people's deadlines, and it takes me too long to make appointments...blah, blah, blah. Now I have 30 days to improve my timeliness and effective communication. Whatever. I just had 20 hardened NYC 18 year-olds thank me for teaching them a required and unpopular class...but it's all on me, not the sales people.


And what of the Celibate's love life since last you heard? Ugh. Ugly. I re-fell in love only to shoot myself in the heart, again. Now he won't talk to me anymore. Again.

And what of my mental defect? I have a new diagnosis! Bipolar II. My doctor thinks this will solve my problems. She put me on new meds. I'm not hopeful, my poor little heart can't take disappointment anymore. Besides, I've heard this record before.

Stay tuned (I've been cycling weekly, so in a few days I might write something happier.)


Stephen said...

I've dealt with some people who were really bi-polar or whose real problem was attention deficit disorder, and who made huge improvements in their thirties or forties when finally diagnosed.

You are young compared to them.

Wish you well.

Bookslinger said...

In a way "perception is reality." So if the sales people (or whoever were doing the complaining) said there was a problem, then there was a problem/situation you need to address, even if it was merely a problem of perception.

If the supervisor is acting on the complaint of one person, then it may truely be just that person's perception. But if multiple people are telling the supervisor the same thing, then some kind of adjustment, even if it's just a political/social greasing of the wheels may be needed.

Hate to break bad news to you, but in a corporate job, if the boss tells you to do something stupid, you have to do it, or face the consequences. You may want to cover-your-butt, put objections in writing (and have them initialed), or ask for a written memo to confirm a stupid order, but in essence, "he who has the gold makes the rules."

Your employer is paying you for X number of hours a day, and you basically have to do what the employer says (within legal and moral limits) during those X hours if you want to keep the job. That's pretty much the definition of a paid job.

I'm all for employees voting with their feet when the demands of the job conflict with personal standards.

Just don't quit until you have a firm committment from a new employer, unless you have savings to tide you over.

Also, I hope you didn't make the mistake of thinking corporate life should in any way be congruous or analogous to academia. They are two separate universes.

Good luck.

iamdivadivine said...

Good to see you have blogged again. You and I are in the same boat...sort of...I am leaving teaching after 11 years. I don't love it anymore and there is no reason to stay when it makes me want to poke my eyes out with a butter knife. I had considered running away to Ireland and trying to find myself....but that costs a lot of money and I would have to come back and face the music sometime. Anyhow, I have a new blog www.iamdivadivine.blogspot.com come and see what I am ranting about now. Keep searching for a new job...the right one will come along. DivaDivine

LDS Art Show said...

Great post!

jlang14 said...

Great post, as usual. Good to see you back. Your current predicament reminds me of my days in the Air Force, and also reminds me of this great song by Uncle Bob. The last stanza is more to my point, but here is the whole thing:


Johnny's in the basement
Mixing up the medicine
I'm on the pavement
Thinking about the government
The man in the trench coat
Badge out, laid off
Says he's got a bad cough
Wants to get it paid off
Look out kid
It's somethin' you did
God knows when
But you're doin' it again
You better duck down the alley way
Lookin' for a new friend
The man in the coon-skin cap
In the big pen
Wants eleven dollar bills
You only got ten

Maggie comes fleet foot
Face full of black soot
Talkin' that the heat put
Plants in the bed but
The phone's tapped anyway
Maggie says that many say
They must bust in early May
Orders from the D. A.
Look out kid
Don't matter what you did
Walk on your tip toes
Don't try "No Doz"
Better stay away from those
That carry around a fire hose
Keep a clean nose
Watch the plain clothes
You don't need a weather man
To know which way the wind blows

Get sick, get well
Hang around a ink well
Ring bell, hard to tell
If anything is goin' to sell
Try hard, get barred
Get back, write braille
Get jailed, jump bail
Join the army, if you fail
Look out kid
You're gonna get hit
But users, cheaters
Six-time losers
Hang around the theaters
Girl by the whirlpool
Lookin' for a new fool
Don't follow leaders
Watch the parkin' meters

Ah get born, keep warm
Short pants, romance, learn to dance
Get dressed, get blessed
Try to be a success
Please her, please him, buy gifts
Don't steal, don't lift
Twenty years of schoolin'
And they put you on the day shift
Look out kid
They keep it all hid
Better jump down a manhole
Light yourself a candle
Don't wear sandals
Try to avoid the scandals
Don't wanna be a bum
You better chew gum
The pump don't work
'Cause the vandals took the handles

(Bob Dylan, 1965)


jlang14 said...

Oh, and best of luck on this thing. Truly.

Anonymous said...

Glad to know you're back.

I feel for ya with the job sitch.
Myself and several of my friends have the same problem... the stupid people at work seem most equipped to succeed.
They like running through the maze to the cheese. When people like us point out the walls that should be knocked down - or that we could climb over the top of the maze much faster - well, we're rocking the boat. I'm mixing metaphors but... obidient mice hate that... rocking the boat bit.
Stay strong.

Southern Belle said...

I love your blog. I'm celibate in the suburbs and I find that it often sucks in a way that is indescribable to someone who is not also experiencing it. I've started my own blog as self-therapy for sexlessness. Thanks for keeping it real!

Kris said...

I enjoy your blog. Good luck with the job hunt. A bad work environment is horribly stressful. Cycling- that is usually my answer :)

Michael said...

we missed you
(though I can't be critical of people not blogging)

I knew you're a good teacher. I very much hope things work out in a manner that is fabulous for you.

N.F. said...

Nice to see you back! I've missed your posts.

Anonymous said...

So glad you are back. Love your blog and your perspective. Keep raging against the machine.

Stephen said...



for more.

V said...

Hey JL. Welcome back. Please keep us posted on the Brit job. Sounds great!! I hope it works out for you.

Nicole said...

Yay I am so glad you are back!

Rachel said...

I hear you! Corporate America is not for everyone--that's why I'm jumping ship. July 31 can't come fast enough! Good luck! I KNOW something will pan out of you. We Morrissey fans have to stick together!

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Amanda said...

I just found your blog. It's been fun to read! Hope you don't mind having a new blog salker!