Meet 'Farmer Ted', nee International Playboy

He is no playboy. He has no idea what to do with two women. He hasn't the slightest clue what he is doing, nor what game he plays. My girlfriend has renamed him 'Farmer Ted' from "16 Candles," because he bumbles about like an inexperienced adolescent. See for yourself . . .

Farmer Ted and I have continued our flirtations, despite the fact he is seeing someone else.
I met his new 'girl'. She was a nice girl, not the kind of skank you bring home for a bootycall. A girlfriend-kind of girl. I expected her to be some beer-soaked ho from a nearby bar. Nope. I tried to be nice and friendly to her, but she was so boring, which surprised me most of all. And yet, it shouldn't have, that's how it always goes. Men choose the boring girls because they deem them to be 'easier' (or in this case because they put out and don't get psycho). It's 'Age of Innocence' over and over again. The exciting, challenging woman who is just too much work, gets cast aside by the cowardly man for the seemingly simple woman. Take heed men, NO WOMAN IS SIMPLE! There is no such thing. If she seems so, then she is acting. But, I digress.

During his party, I flirted with the other boys there. (I took my last Xanax beforehand, I had saved it for two years, knowing that one day I would need chemical relaxation.) It worked. I made a spectacle of myself, dancing and laughing and entertaining the emo kids/hipsters. At one point, Ted said, "see, you're mingling. I like it," then he smiled. Later, he held his hand out to me. So I took it, and he held me there for what felt like a long time. In front of everyone! What are you trying to do??

At 10 pm, the party got kicked off the roof by the doorman, so we moved into his apartment. By then I had two little emo boys following me around. But it was time for me to go, so I looked for Ted to say goodbye. I took the elevator to the roof, with one of my boys in tow. As the door opened, Ted and the girl came in. So we rode down with them. Awkward. Ted and I talked, but the others didn't. At his floor, his girl and my boy got off. We stayed on and rode down, we were alone for the first time all night. He gave me a long hug. I said, "She's sweet". He sighed, "yeah".

He went to see the doorman to get his deposit back, so I walked with him. I asked if we were still on for the movies this weekend. We could go out on Saturday, in the afternoon. We kept talking, until he gave me another hug and I left.

Saturday, we met for a double-feature: Rear Window and Rope. We sat together for 3 hours in the tense darkness. I didn't remember Rear Window as such a sexy movie. He turned away from me during the first Grace Kelly kissing scene. When the second one began, he got up and left, returning afterwards with a coke. And a few minutes later, I felt something wet and cold on my arm. Huh? I looked down and saw his hand slowly dragging a piece of ice down my bare arm. What did he think he was he doing??? He saw me looking at him and dropped the ice. I picked it up and threw it in his crotch. That made us laugh.

When the movie ended, he said he wanted to do something again the next day. I said maybe.

I came home so confused. I wanted to do the friend thing with him, but he acted like he wanted more. It didn't make any sense to me. I have never kissed a man and then tried being friends, I've only done it the other way around. Where do we draw the lines between us? How do I know what he wants from me when he acts like he wants something romantic/sexual, but says something else? Being friends was his idea, why should I be the one to enforce the rules? What are the rules?--it's different now that he is seeing someone.

He stood me up the next day. Called that night to apologize. He blew me off the next weekend too. After the second time, I had enough. He made his choice. He wanted sex more than he wanted me. Too bad for him.

September Spawn . . .

What a wild ride this month has been, drama, change, drama, change.... all is a whirlwind. Too much to keep up with on here. Mostly good things. Things that need their own posts, their own detailed examinations, things I need to share:

what happened when I confronted the bishop about how much the singles are neglected in our ward,

Why International Playboy earned the new name 'Farmer Ted' (of 16 Candles fame),

How my faith in my life choices has been restored--celibacy specifically,

Why I love NYC

The best worst movie ever made and the Mormon connection

The undergraduate class that shall heretofore be known as 'the gift from God'

My first business trip with room service

The corporation that therapists built

and the Canadian who makes Farmer Ted look like, Farmer Ted....

Where to begin? Since it is Sunday, I should start with the faith-affirming events. But, I know my readers may be most interested in the unfolding of the I.P/Farmer Ted drama. Aha! They are one and the same my friends...