Meet 'Farmer Ted', nee International Playboy

He is no playboy. He has no idea what to do with two women. He hasn't the slightest clue what he is doing, nor what game he plays. My girlfriend has renamed him 'Farmer Ted' from "16 Candles," because he bumbles about like an inexperienced adolescent. See for yourself . . .

Farmer Ted and I have continued our flirtations, despite the fact he is seeing someone else.
I met his new 'girl'. She was a nice girl, not the kind of skank you bring home for a bootycall. A girlfriend-kind of girl. I expected her to be some beer-soaked ho from a nearby bar. Nope. I tried to be nice and friendly to her, but she was so boring, which surprised me most of all. And yet, it shouldn't have, that's how it always goes. Men choose the boring girls because they deem them to be 'easier' (or in this case because they put out and don't get psycho). It's 'Age of Innocence' over and over again. The exciting, challenging woman who is just too much work, gets cast aside by the cowardly man for the seemingly simple woman. Take heed men, NO WOMAN IS SIMPLE! There is no such thing. If she seems so, then she is acting. But, I digress.

During his party, I flirted with the other boys there. (I took my last Xanax beforehand, I had saved it for two years, knowing that one day I would need chemical relaxation.) It worked. I made a spectacle of myself, dancing and laughing and entertaining the emo kids/hipsters. At one point, Ted said, "see, you're mingling. I like it," then he smiled. Later, he held his hand out to me. So I took it, and he held me there for what felt like a long time. In front of everyone! What are you trying to do??

At 10 pm, the party got kicked off the roof by the doorman, so we moved into his apartment. By then I had two little emo boys following me around. But it was time for me to go, so I looked for Ted to say goodbye. I took the elevator to the roof, with one of my boys in tow. As the door opened, Ted and the girl came in. So we rode down with them. Awkward. Ted and I talked, but the others didn't. At his floor, his girl and my boy got off. We stayed on and rode down, we were alone for the first time all night. He gave me a long hug. I said, "She's sweet". He sighed, "yeah".

He went to see the doorman to get his deposit back, so I walked with him. I asked if we were still on for the movies this weekend. We could go out on Saturday, in the afternoon. We kept talking, until he gave me another hug and I left.

Saturday, we met for a double-feature: Rear Window and Rope. We sat together for 3 hours in the tense darkness. I didn't remember Rear Window as such a sexy movie. He turned away from me during the first Grace Kelly kissing scene. When the second one began, he got up and left, returning afterwards with a coke. And a few minutes later, I felt something wet and cold on my arm. Huh? I looked down and saw his hand slowly dragging a piece of ice down my bare arm. What did he think he was he doing??? He saw me looking at him and dropped the ice. I picked it up and threw it in his crotch. That made us laugh.

When the movie ended, he said he wanted to do something again the next day. I said maybe.

I came home so confused. I wanted to do the friend thing with him, but he acted like he wanted more. It didn't make any sense to me. I have never kissed a man and then tried being friends, I've only done it the other way around. Where do we draw the lines between us? How do I know what he wants from me when he acts like he wants something romantic/sexual, but says something else? Being friends was his idea, why should I be the one to enforce the rules? What are the rules?--it's different now that he is seeing someone.

He stood me up the next day. Called that night to apologize. He blew me off the next weekend too. After the second time, I had enough. He made his choice. He wanted sex more than he wanted me. Too bad for him.


Kevin Barney said...

I'm glad you're blogging again.

What are "emo boys"?

Triskit said...

As a proudly self-confessed "boring girl," I whole-heartedly disagree with your assertation that men always choose the boring girls because they're easier. Men boo-hoo incessantly about how crazy women are, and yet they consistently choose the craziest broads they can find for entertainment value, for a project, for the sex...who knows. But believe me, the boring girl RARELY wins in the game of love.

Anonymous said...

Don't waste your time on him if he is dating someone else.

Michael said...

where they actually emo boys or were they hipsters?

and this was not the promised explanation of faith affirming events... I anxiously await the conclusion.

thevitaminkid said...

Well, triskit, why a "proudly" self-confessed boring girl? What do you mean by boring?

A woman doesn't have to be neurotic to be interesting (to me). Educated, disciplined, able to converse on important subjects, talented, industrious, able to appreciate a variety of art, passionate about her interests -- OK, maybe that's not what others want. But I'm thinking of the Virtuous Woman of Proverbs here. Why that wouldn't be appealing, I don't know. Crazy is not on the list.

Meredith C said...

Oh the suspense! I love that this is developing into a saga.

I have to agree to some extent with anonymous, having been in non-commital relationships before. Don't put up with any BS, it sounds like he's on the fence, and will be content to stay there if you let him. Make him go one way or the other, because half a relationship will never satisfy.

Listen to me dish out advice as though I know what I'm talking about... Anyway, good luck JL.

Triskit said...

I was responding to the context of JL's post, in which it certainly seemed as though sane, safe, and yes, easy = boring. Generally speaking, a "complicated" woman is such as a result of her own doing, and in many cases, "complicated" is just a code word for bat-shit crazy.

So if being easy to be with makes me boring, then I'll proudly wave that flag all day long!

Michael said...

Well, there's a difference between easy to be with and boring. And interesting/complicated doesn't always mean bat-shit crazy. Although, it's hard to be bat-shit crazy and not at least a little bit interesting.

I'm often attracted to the crazy variety of interesting but I know that's probably not good for me since I'm crazy myself.

And some people like the boring girls. I had a friend who went on a first date with a girl and when asked how it went his response was "well, she's a real pretty girl."
He didn't really have anything bad to say, but nothing good to say either. What's boring to one may not be boring to another- but I also think a lot of times boring is just not really fitting well with someone. It may look good on paper but not in reality.
I dated a girl for a couple months in large part for both of us because it looked good on paper. We liked each other- but it wasn't exceptionally interesting. We brought out the boring in each other.

I think that sometimes people make themselves more boring than they actually are in order to try and fit what they think they should be. Sometimes this is ok if you're avoiding crazy tendencies and trying to alter negative behavior but it can certainly go to far.

I think that someone is boring when they seem to not have: ambition, opinions, quirks, wit, interesting things about which they are passionate, etc.

Often girls who are just shy or polite or both get falsely lumped into the category of boring. Often, men thinking they need a certain type of women pick someone who is boring to them and end up unsatisfied.

Stephen said...

BTW, I'd love a post where you recommended philosophy books. I had enough hours for a minor, once upon a time, and find myself with some interest (not as much as my brother, who almost finished his doctorate, but a lot).