Contrary to popular belief, he did contact me again! He sent me an email saying "Hey. Long time no....nothing. How are ya?"
Are you kidding me? How could he possibly want to talk to me again or think I wanted to talk to him again? Well, it turns out he is somewhat of a special case. My buddy looked at his profile after I told him the story. He recognized the guy as an actor from those bad Mormon comedies like "The Singles Ward" and "RM". I thought that was hilarious. The dude even has his own page on IMDB.com. But I won't tell you who he is.
Now this partly explains his obsession with his webcam. He probably wanted me to see him hoping that I'd recognize him from the movies. Then I would become twitterpated by the mere fact of his greatness and moviestar fame. (Even though he wasn't the main character, and actors in those films can hardly be called movie stars-- as my buddy pointed out. My buddy might now notice I did not ask his permission to reference our conversations on the blog. --It was funny, give me a break.)
Well, I decided to write Mr. Webcam back. Mostly because I figured he knows people in New York :
Wow. I didn't expect to hear from you again. I'm well. I'm looking for someone to sublet my place this summer do you know anyone?
He replied expressing surprise at my surprise. Then he said he didn't know anyone looking but he'd love to chat with me again. I thought about it for a few days then sent another email. I wrote that I hadn't expected to hear back from him because he seemed pretty PO'd about the webcam thing. And I didn't like the way he talked down to me.
On Friday he sent me an apologetic email. He said he wasn't POd, he thought it was silly and something to tease me about. And he didn't think that he had been talking down to me, he was sorry. He didn't remember what he said. Maybe I was just extra sensitive because of the disturbing men I'd come across before. Maybe he should have been more cautious with me. Maybe both. But he was sorry.
YUCK! I couldn't just let that go. I spent the weekend thinking about how I should respond. (Mostly because I don't have anything else going on in my life.) Also, I'm on an honesty kick right now. If people were more honest to others within their dating lives, then I think we'd all be better off. Then we could know what we did wrong and fix it. Plus, it hurts less to know why you were rejected as opposed to spending the rest of your life wondering why, inventing horrid reasons for why you aren't good enough.
With that in mind, I wrote him a rather long explanatory email this morning. I'm nervous about it now. I didn't want to make him angry or hurt him. I thought he should know what happened. He also needed to know that I am not overly sensitive. If anything, I'm insensitive. I frequently hurt other people's feelings by saying things that would not hurt my feelings. Because most people are more sensitive than I am. I explained that to him, as well as my honesty thing.
First, I told him that my friends were all horrified by our conversation and couldn't believe I kept talking to him after the first time he called me damaged. And that it was a good thing he hadn't heard what they'd called him. (This was evidence that I didn't overreact.) Then I said I'd break it down for him, but he should stop reading if he wasn't prepared to hear it.
I calmly told him how things went down from my perspective. That he didn't respect my feelings when I told him I don't like webcams. When he wouldn't take no for an answer it was disrespectful. That I had to keep giving him reasons why I don't like them. And the fact that someone masturbated on my computer screen was usually explanation enough for other people. But he took that as a sign there was something wrong with me. That it meant I was another damaged 30 year old he'd have to deal with. Etc. Etc. I wrote that it's not appropriate to 'tease' someone that way when you don't know them. Then I reminded him of his comment: he'd "have to see how much time I'd make him spend atoning for the sins of men in my past before he decided how good of friends we could be." I told him that was emotional blackmail. And beyond presumptuous and insulting.
Lastly, I said that I was sure he didn't have malicious intent but I am too old to let men talk to me that way. I wished him luck in his future dating endeavors.
I really held my tongue. I wanted to say some brutal things regarding what his words said about him, but I didn't. That would only serve to anger and hurt him. I hope he actually reads it and maybe learns something. I hope I wasn't too mean. I didn't want to make him feel bad, but I probably did.
Now, if we hear from him again, that will be extraordinary. If he sends back something nice then he MIGHT be worth talking to again. Though I think that's as likely to happen as Romney winning the presidency.
***OOo, OOO, he wrote me back twice. But I'm afraid to read them. So you'll have to wait. Yikes. I'd say this man has some juevos.