What? Or, the State of my Sick Kitty

Lots of folks are praying for kitty, prayer is a powerful thing.

After an entire week of getting used to the idea of losing my pet, to the point of resignation, the other vet called me Friday afternoon. I was on my way to the city in the bus, going through the tunnel, and this guy starts telling me that someone else looked at the test results. And nothing malignant showed up in her liver, just hepatitus. But they need to biopsy her swollen lymph node and she has lesions on her spleen. (why didn't they do that the first time?) How was she doing? I told him she was doing a lot better seemingly from the antibiotics. He seemed pleased and said they wanted to do more tests at no charge, and he had some more medicine for her. He'd have to find out the dose and then call it in to my pharmacy, it is supposed to help empty her gall bladder of bile. Was she still looking yellow? She isn't. Good. He then said we shouldn't traumatize her with more tests as long as she is doing better, we should wait and see how she does on the new meds and keep her on antibiotics and her diabetes stuff. ... After this long and windy conversation, I think he was trying to tell me that she might not have lymphona and she might be ok. Huh? I couldn't even process this new info.

It was a different vet who told me on Monday she definitely had cancer. But that was after this vet told me on Saturday she might not have cancer. So, two times I crashed with the grief of knowing she was dying. Now, for the second time they tell me she might not be dying. I'm so griefed out I don't even know how to respond. With caution. I should proceed as if she is dying. But she really is improving so much, it's hard not to get optimistic. She's gained weight. She is eating again and socializing now. Instead of hiding in the closet waiting to die, she sits on my lap or on her favorite chair. She's purring. She even teased the little cat by sitting in that one's favorite spot. This morning she jumped on my bed to wake me up to feed her. She hasn't done that in three weeks.

So I'm just going to enjoy her company and shower her with affection and tuna fish. I think I can lapse back into denial now, the vet has given me a decent excuse. I can enjoy her more if I'm not sad about her imminent death. What an exhausting emotional ride.

Thank you for the love and your prayers. We'll see if we get a miracle this time.