The Flirting Line of Death

Months later I told one of my girlfriends about what happened. She didn't know what went wrong. I said that I didn't understand northern men. Why do they always ask stupid questions like, "What do you do for fun?" I told her the sexy prof had asked me that, as did all the other men I've flirted with in this city. But none of them ever went any further. She asked how I answered the question. "I tell them the truth, 'I don't have the time or money to do anything fun.'" She almost fell on the floor laughing. She pounded her hand on the table of the restaurant and it took a few minutes for her to calm down. Everyone stared at us.

Then she explained. "That question is a lead-in to asking you out. You are supposed to say something like, 'going to the movies' or 'going to see plays' so they can say, 'Me too, do you want to go to...? EVERYONE knows that!" She laughed again. And then some more. "Oh. I didn't know that." She explained that when I answered 'I do nothing', they really heard me say: "I'd rather sit at home bored and do nothing then go out and do something with you loser, so don't even think about asking me out!" That's what she found so funny. I wanted to cry I was so horrified.

So I had insulted all those men I wanted to go out with. Brilliant. How was I supposed to know all this? Not everyone is born with common sense, especially those of us who spend too much time in our heads. Men think I'm rejecting them when I'm really just clueless. I should probably work on that.

Come back for more TRUE stories of the strange, sad and pathetic exploits of me not having sex in the city.