The Double Standard

Until very recently I practiced a gross double standard when it came to men. I'm not talking about the difference between Jimmy Choo shoes and a pair of Kenneth Coles, more like Jimmy Choo to Payless Shoes. Regular men needed to be of Jimmy Choo quality while Mormon men only needed to be shoes.

For regular men, here is what I wanted: Educated, attractive, fun, intelligent, good taste, sane, and politically liberal.

For Mormon men (more affectionately called mo'men), my standards were: Aged between 25-45, breathing, and heterosexual. Seriously. Those were my only deal breakers, no gay men or the inappropriately aged. So, all you insecure single Mormon men, get over yourselves. Women over 30 don't care what's wrong with you. I doubt that I am the only LDS woman with this kind of double standard.

Here's a list of unappealing traits belonging to various Mo'men that I dated (in no particular order): unemployed, no college education, high school drop out, balding, ugly, sober drug addict, dim-witted, Frat boy, gun collector, fat, living with his mother, redneck, sleazy, slutty, Republican, miniature (weighed like 115), short, deadbeat dad, closeted homosexual, horrible taste in music, schizophrenic, bad kissers, and.... that's all I can remember for now. 

Anyone still wonder why I'm single? 

The funny thing is that most of them dumped me. The ones that dumped me were: the sleaze (went back to his brazilian ex-girlfriend who put out), the Republican (there were more than one), the homosexual (I didn't exercise enough so my body was too soft), the dimwit (went back to his airhead ex-girlfriend), the drug addict/dead-beat dad (It was too hard), the redneck (Said I wouldn't make a good wife or mother), and the frat boy (who knows or cares? not me.) Among these, the drug addict was the only one I was in love with. I cared for the redneck because he was good to me, and I had some infatuations with some of the others. Looking back now, I'm grateful that this band of merry losers tossed me aside. In the end they were right that we didn't belong together, though the rejection hurt like a mother at the time.

Why did I do this to myself? There were several reasons. Because I said 'yes' to every man who asked me out. Because I didn't think I should discriminate, every man deserved a chance. And because there was no one else asking me out. While I am smart, educated, funny, and above-average attractive, I feel comfortable calling myself a Kenneth Cole. So, in what universe is this okay? --oh, that's right, in Mormon-land. 

Those days are over for me. I'm not wasting my time on losers anymore, no matter what their religious affiliation. It's liberating. And, it's too bad for the timid insecure Mo'men whom I would have gone out with IF they had asked me.  Now, it's too late for them.  My new Mo'men dealbreakers are (in addition to those above): Republican, uneducated, unsuccessful, mentally ill, addicts, homosexuals, unattractive, unintelligent, and bland with bad taste.  Look around at the single men in your ward and see how many would make the cut.

This is why I'm 95% certain I will never end up with a Mo'man. (The Republican thing alone disqualifies 98% of the Mo'men anyway.) Which is fine with me. I'm completely at peace with the idea of a mixed-religion marriage or a content singlehood. Because, now that I'm grown up, I have standards. Mo'men of the world have used up their no-dealbreakers privileges. I'm upgrading my lower bar from Payless to Kenneth Cole --or, that might be too high, I might have to make it Steve Madden, either way. Sorry, guys. If the shoe doesn't fit, I'm not going to wear it anymore.

What I wonder, is if single LDS men have a reversed double standard? Are they more selective with mo'women than they are with non-LDS women? They're probably less likely to date outside the church. And they're in a different league out in the real world. Just curious, if anyone knows.