John Silva of Single Mormon Male blog left this comment to The Double Standard post. I invited him to submit a guest post and he has. I appreciate having a young man's perspective.
"What I wonder, is if single LDS men have a reversed double standard? Are they more selective with mo'women than they are with non-LDS women? They're probably less likely to date outside the church. And they're in a different league out in the real world. Just curious, if anyone knows."
Me, being the curious beaver that I am, decided to write up on the subject.
I would like to relate my own experiences on the matter. This summer, at the Disney College Program (again, I know, but a lot went down there :P ) I went on a lot of dates with LDS women and non-member women as well. The dates with every single one of them were fun! As I went out with these wonderful women, I realized . . . I had a different standard when it came to asking these women out. Although I could go way in to my standards for girls I want to actively date or those I just want to go on a date with, that will have to wait for another time. Let's just say that as a super dater, I will go out with pretty much anything that moves.
But even then, that was different in Florida. The LDS girls I asked out on dates were the cream of the crop of the options when it came to my interests in girls, even though there were few of them I really wanted to get exclusive with. When it came to the non-LDS women, I asked out girls that I had never taken out before. They had extremely different standards than I did, and they were on a lower standard field than the LDS girls I took out. . . . No, I did not take out any of the girls to make out with them or go crazy, I did it just because they were fun to flirt with and I wanted to add to my dating number.
I just remember how some of these non-LDS girls were... they were fun, super flirty, attractive, but at the same time, talked about subjects that I would quickly change, suggested I do things with me that I would never even consider, and they just did not have the same drive as LDS women do.
I have come to the conclusion that what I expect out of LDS women is much higher than non-member women. I tend to avoid the very bottom of the potential pool because those type of people do not interest me in the least . . . I must change something I said from earlier, I won't date anything that moves, I do date a lot, but I date those girls that tend to grab my interest, and that is higher for Mormon girls rather than non-member girls. The LDS girls were always of a much higher caliber than the non-LDS girls and I have noticed that. I have a double standard going on here!
Why is that? Why when I am not actively seeking a girlfriend, I still have this standard where I will ask out super great LDS girls while non-LDS girls, whom I will go out with, I will settle for less? Is it because when I just want to have fun, I feel I am in a safe position to avoid anything serious with these girls?
It is really weird to me that those standards change so much between which group a girl belongs to. It is also strange to me that my standards change so much between my fun dating life and my serious dating life.
This is going to call for a new range of analysis.
Conclusion: LDS men do have a double standard when it comes to dating outside the church. Although I only related my experiences, I have seen this with other LDS men too. We aim high in the church and if we even do date outside the church, we tend to date just for fun and are not looking for anything serious, and we lower our standards then just for the heck of it!
I'm really interested in this subject . . . I'll explore it more later. Maybe do some more dating just to figure it out too, that is going to have to wait 'til this summer though, considering 1) I am at BYU where there so few non-members it is ridiculous, and 2) right now I feel like I am in serious dating mode where I am seeking a potential girlfriend. We'll figure this out ...
= John Silva
I have my own ideas as to why this is, but I want to hear everyone else's ideas. Comment below.