I'm not surprised, but maybe I should be. My cat didn't want to die. She refused to go. I gave her the tranquilizer my vet gave me to put her permanently to sleep. I gave it to her at 1 am last night. Then, she reminded me how much she hates tranquilizers. They make her mad. Years ago, I tried giving her one for a long car trip but it was horrible, her eyes got squinty, she kept meowing and trying to stand in the passanger seat but then she'd fall over. That went on for the few hours the pill was supposed to last. She did the same thing last night.
I gave it to her. Then she growled at me and went to the corner of the living room. Then she got up and stumbled toward the couch. So I put her on the couch. But then she started dragging herself to the edge so I picked her up and brought her to my bedroom. It seemed like she wanted to go under the bed so I put her there. She kicked and dragged her body around under there. I tried helping and she moaned at me. After an hour and a half of this I tried going to bed. I felt so sick.
I thought I had cried enough but I did some more. Then I started feeling guilty. Clearly, this wasn't what she wanted. When I stopped crying, I could hear her thumping around under the bed. She had almost dragged herself out so I put her on my bed. She didn't want that either. First she flopped herself off the pillow. Then she dragged herself to the windowsill. She kept moving around until she finally lunged forward towards the floor. I started to suspect this might not work. Mina is the most willful and stubborn cat I have ever seen. She'll go when she's ready to go and she'll die her own way thank you very much.
My sister calmed me down. That's when it got really pitiful. Kitty pulled her body forward across my bedroom as I talked on the phone. Then she crawled into my study. 15 minutes later I heard a big flop in the litter box. I got up and looked. I saw her curled up with her face in the litter. ohh. She didn't want to relieve herself on the floor. I picked her up so she could stand. When she put her paws on the edge of the box I helped her to the floor where she fell.
This cat doesn't die by the litter box, I put my hands around her middle and pulled her up again. By this time we had a system. We did a wheelbarrow, I held her back end up because it seemed completely paralyzed, while she pulled herself forward with her front paws. That way she could choose which way to go. Back into my bedroom. I put her down on the floor next to my bed. I thought this had to be the end. It was 4 am. I tried to sleep.
I woke this morning with a lovely dream about going SCUBA diving with a bunch of people I know, one girl had magical powers and she showed me how she could make the wind do things to the ocean. The first dive was for couples only. But I didn't know that. So I dragged this sad looking guy out of the dorms to go diving. I forgot my forms. When I heard that it was only for couples, I got scared and ditched the dude. (Totally something I would do in real life.) The phone rang.
I pulled myself to consciousness, "Hi Mom." I told her what happened. I could hear 'I told you so' resounding inside her head, she had told me to spring for the housecall vet instead. Since she got my email, she has gotten better at holding her tongue. But I knew she thought it. When I got off the phone, I looked for her. Under the bed she lay. Looking quite dead. But. I called her name a few times. Her tail flopped up and down. No way! I called her again. Tail wagged. Unbelievable. It totally didn't work. Kitty has willed herself to live.
She's been walking around. Hung out in the kitchen and the living room. Last I checked, she was sitting in the bathroom in her favorite spot, leaning on the toilet. Ok, Kitty has spoken. She can die her own way.
Should I keep giving her the anitbiotics? She's starving herself so should I let the infection take over her body too? Is one better than the other? Unbelievable. I'm exhausted. Honsetly, I was looking forward to the relief of not worrying about her anymore. I'm really sorry I tried to do it.