I feel better today. Not for any good reason.  Nothing has changed. I'm still in the exact same circumstances as yesterday.  My bi-polar mood switch flipped in the night. I actually smiled at people today. And I got my grades submitted on time. Yay, me.  

This has been the pattern for the last two years. Under the extreme duress of my dire circumstances, I'm taken to the very edge of the precipice of emotional pain. I beg God to kill me in my prayers, to spare me from living with myself. That goes on for a few days or weeks until I reach the point where I can no longer take it, when I feel myself begin to break. And then my brain switches back to normal. I'm very grateful this one only lasted 4 days. 

Whatever happens to me, is whatever.  I'm going to try to enjoy this time off to work on the book.


verysoreloser said...

Actually if you fight through bad times and then feel good afterwards, that's a good sign of healing. So now you can pray to live a long and healthy life from this day forward.

Things will click for you and you will be better for having lived through it, so that's a good hope.

SavvyD said...

There is a difference between feeling down for a day and feeling overwhelmingly depressed all the time.

Unless you really do cycle that fast...

Sleep really does help, though, when it's just a mood.