What's Next? A list of stories to come* :">

Dating Adventures 2002-Present

1. SpideyMan: Superhero-Bootycaller
2. Poet at the Met
3. Dysfunctional Dater
4. MoTab Moments at Lincoln Center
5. Pub Games: Rutgers vs. MIT
6. Oops! I did it again: Kissing a friend
7. Utah-Boy, Unlimited Nights and Weekends
8. Did I mention I have a girlfriend?
9. Subway Subtext
10. How Low can I go? Address: Manhattan Homeless Shelter
11. The Village Loft Party shut down by NYPD
12. "Hi Sweetheart", street pick-ups
13. Craig’s List Teasers
14. My Last Heartbreak: The Matt Chronicles (a series)
15. The Slimy Single Father in Savannah
16. A New Year's Kiss and the Day After: I'm not psycho!
17. The Sunday School Stalker
18. Dating 101: If she puts her head on the table in the
restaurant because you won't stop talking, it's not going well.
19. Dating 201: When your girlfriend prefers the couch to your bed, it's not going well.
20. The Man who Interrupted Breakfast

*Not necessarily in this order, in fact, most probably not in this order. Titles and stories are subject to change according to whim.

*If you have a preference for which one comes next, leave a comment below with your vote.

Come back for TRUE stories of the strange, sad and pathetically hilarious exploits of me not having sex in the city.


Preamble: I'm a 28 year old Virgin

"And then one morning I woke up and looked at my girlfriend next to me in bed. I realized that if she turned into a man, I loved her so much I would give her a ****(oral sexual act)." My friend finished his story to the shock and horror of my two other guy friends, all non-LDS. (The dynamics of our group is fodder for many more tales of the city.) We spent the late hours in a cozy old bar after seeing a movie. The boys were well on their way to inebriation. I nursed my diet coke.

My friend's confession caused quite the stir. The others said they could never in a million years do that no matter who the person and how much they loved the he/she. I laughed at their homo-phobia and prepared for the inevitable move in conversation--towards the only female at the table, me. When they remembered I was there, one turned to me and asked, "Do you?" The others stared in silence, waiting. I laughed out loud and drummed the table hoping they couldn't see me blush. I finally said, "Wouldn't you like to know?," with a sly seductive smile.

I really didn't want to say, "I'm a 28 year old virgin, so the correct question is not 'do I?', but, 'will you?' I have kept my secret from these guys for the past two years. Would they believe me even if I did tell them? Not likely. This night, in this bar, while they got drunk was not the time nor place to share.

How often have I nodded my head and smiled dumbly as the people around me discussed sex? My girlfriends back home knew about it and made it the butt of many jokes, but they have a lot of respect for me too. Remaining chaste while in pursuit of an eternal companion or a Friday night date is not easy. I spent my early 20s dating mostly non-members, due to the shortage of selection at church. Of course, dating a non-member requires having the 'talk' in which I inform them I do not put out and they will not get any. Surprisingly, most of the men acted OK with it. These guys each belonged to one of two categories, those who took it as a challenge to make me 'change my mind', which put me in compromising positions and attempted date-rape. The other category is men with weird sexual issues relieved not to deal with them. I wish I could say some were just nice guys who liked me enough to go without, but, I don't think so.

Alright, so I haven't been standing in holy places and my single-state is my fault. Aren't we supposed to be a light unto the world and an example? What good is it to be an example in small-town Utah, when all you do is go to church with other mormons who criticize you for not wearing dumpy dresses? Although, by not sharing my celibacy with friends I'm not setting an example either. Nice, I'm a hypocrite. But I live the law of chastity in a place where I could make one phone call or walk up one flight of stairs and fornicate my brains out! Doesn't that count for something? The barrage of temptation is never-ending, like a tidal wave that gets worse every year.
Practicing the gospel as a single person, alone, is so difficult. We are a 'peculiar people', but living single in the city makes me a 'peculiar person'. The difference between the plural and singular changes everything. I can get support on Sunday for a few hours each week, other than that, I'm on my own. So it's me, the scriptures, prayer, faith and my testimony against the world. For now, that has sufficed. But it leaves me weary of fighting. I have a dream of one day coming home to loving arms that wrap around me and comfort me. Finding love at home at the end of my long wretched days seems increasingly more unfathomable, and yet, it slowly becomes one of my greatest desires.

Check back here for TRUE stories of the strange, sad and pathetically hilarious exploits of not having sex in the city.


By way of introduction....

Welcome to the blog of the celibate.

Perhaps you are wondering who I am and what my blog is about. I'm a grad student living in New York City. As a practicing member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (the Mormons), I have chosen to live the law of chastity, all members are expected to do so. This means that I will not have sex until I'm married, nor engage in sexual relations of any kind. Not easy! I'm in my late 20s and my hormones are NOT happy about abstinence. It gets harder every year. Celibate dating is a challenge all its own and has lead to many strange and uncomfortable situations. I have learned, however, to be grateful for this law. I can see now how it has protected me. A man's character is instantly revealed when you tell him you are celibate. The worst ones turn around and run. Unless they think they can break you, sigh...

For all kinds of reasons, I've had a high turn-over of men. Most of my relationships were absurd. I shouldn't have dated most of them. Now I have a lot of stories about my dates, relationships, crushes, and failed pursuits. My failed romances have entertained many o'friend o' mine. Hence, Celibate in the City was born.

Another motivation behind this blog is the alienation of single mormons from church culture. Many of us feel left behind because so much of the church is centered on families. If you don't have a nuclear family, that makes you a freak. When I meet someone new at church and they find out I'm "A Single", then I have to endure their puzzled looks which then transform into pity. Inside they wonder, 'Why aren't you married, what's wrong with you?'

Because we are without a partner to share our burdens, we face challenges that the marrieds do not. It's hard to be a faithful member when you don't have someone with whom you can: pray, wake you up Sunday morning and go to church, sit in the pews, have family home evening, read scriptures...and those things couples do. It's not all about the celibacy, my angst has more to do with the realization that people were not meant to be alone. And my new fear that this state may be permanent. I'm trying to deal with that fact. I always assumed I'd get married and maybe have kids. That's what I wanted, eventually. Perhaps I have waited too long. . .

Three years ago, I had a shocking epiphany. My mother was driving us somewhere when she began talking about an older cousin of mine. This cousin was in her very early 30s. My mother said she sure felt sorry for my cousin being that age and still single. A sudden wave of horror passed through me. In a few years my mother and aunts would talk about me in the same way. I got sick. I said, "Please don't feel sorry for me when I'm 30 and single. I'm going to be doing lots of things and living my life and enjoying myself." She sat silently for a moment. Then said trepidly, "Do you think you're going to be single when you're 30?" "Probably. Don't hold your breath for my marriage." That ended the conversation. She sounded scared for me, like I told her I was going to catch a disease. What a long strange disease it's been.

Enjoy my blog. Leave comments. Send me an email. Or, just read and laugh. You are not alone.

And yes, I am a real virgin.

Come back for more TRUE stories of the strange, sad and pathetic exploits of me not having sex in the city.